A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes a Difference!

When my kids started asking me this question, I was in a real quandary. I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas, so I had no idea how to handle this question. After all, I had never asked it.

I knew children who had believed in Santa, and then the shocking news showed up one year when their parents informed them that he was not real. Their parents were afraid the kids would be made fun of at school, if they still believed in Santa.

I also knew children who were told that Santa was real by their parents for the longest time, and one day their friends told them he wasn’t. The kids actually wondered why their parents would tell them he was real, when he wasn’t. They believed their friends.

Personally, I wanted to do it another way. I wanted to preserve the innocence and imagination of my children. At the same time, I wanted to continue building trust and truth within our relationship.

What I chose to do was very simple. Here are some tips that might be useful:

1. Ask your children what they think about Santa being real or not (only if they are asking you this question ~ do not rush it). Where are they coming from? That would be helpful to know. Sometimes it just pops into their head, and other times it is spurred on by friends. It would be good to know why they are asking.

2. Share stories from your childhood that would speak to this subject. Since I didn’t celebrate Christmas as a child, I shared that I hadn’t been taught that Santa was real, and why. I shared what I saw in my friends’ experiences of being told that he was real when they were young, and that he wasn’t real when they were older. And then I shared where I was right then. They loved hearing the stories.

3. Share with your children that everyone has a different belief and experience of Santa. There are numerous perspectives. Let them know that they get to choose what they want to believe, and they can change it any time they wish. This way you are not misleading them, and you are not bursting their bubble.

4. Then, allow them to explore (if and when they choose) the various stories and beliefs related to Santa. If each parent shares their story, that’s two perspectives. What about grandma and grandpa? Cartoons have a perspective. Friends have perspectives. Let them explore and figure it out for themselves. They’ll do a little exploring and then get bored. That’s okay. They’ll ask again.

5. Avoid giving them a “yes” or “no” answer. Is there really such an answer? Are we talking about Santa literally? Figuratively? Let them discover what Christmas and Santa means to them as an individual. And know that this will be an ongoing conversation for years. I just meet my kids where they are each year, and we all compare notes. They get lots of new perspectives as they mature, and it creates a lot of freedom, trust and inner connection.

You see, this is part of the Magic of Christmas. And this is part of the guidance that parents provide. We give our children many perspectives in life, and let them choose what fits for them. This breeds confidence, self-esteem and acceptance of individuality.

I waited over 20 years to have the magical experience of Christmas. I choose to share that magic with my children, and to allow them to create whatever they want to create around Christmas for themselves. We are practical and simple, and we share abundance of love. What is the Magic of Christmas in your family?

Wishing you and your family a most joyous Holiday Season!

[Traci Carman is an expert on parenting. To sign up for her free parenting newsletter, go to www.alovingway.com. A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes A Difference]

Gratitude is an amazing thing. It does something inside of us, that very few things can do. Many times, parents wish their children would be more grateful.

Ask yourself: Is it about not giving them everything? Making them work for what they want? Making sure they see what others do not have? Teaching them to share? These are some of the strategies I have seen parents use in order to teach gratitude.

As I was giving this some thought, the answer, in my opinion, became quite simple: the experience of feeling grateful is what creates gratitude.

Gratitude is about having a true and authentic experience of being grateful.

Here are three ideas that you can use with your children to nurture gratitude:

#1: In the morning, start your day with sharing what you are grateful for. It could be a good night sleep, sunshine, rain, friends we get to see, a favorite cartoon, our favorite teacher, the home we live in, food to eat, health, family, a pet, a game, a book, the weekend, sleeping in, etc. Each person can share 1-3 things to start creating the habit of looking for things to feel grateful for.

#2: At dinner, have everyone share what their gratitudes or appreciations are for the day. We do that every night in our home, and it’s a great way to see what is important to your children, as well as to nurture gratitude in their hearts. They also get to see what happens in your day, and what is important to you as well. Again, it’s about getting into the habit of looking for, and expressing, gratitude. What we focus on expands.

#3: At bedtime, invite your children to share three things they were grateful for today. You share too. If your children enjoy writing, offer for them to keep a gratitude journal. Writing things down (especially gratitudes) is very powerful.

Pick one of these activities and just make it fun. You also want to make it informal. Do not press your children for gratitudes; it defeats the whole purpose. And, feel free to give them ideas if they are struggling to think of something. New habits take practice. The habit of gratitude, when nurtured daily, grows pretty quickly. You are planting seeds and fertilizing the soil with consistency and love.

Enjoy creating a grateful family. Happy Thanksgiving!

Traci Carman is the Founder and CEO of A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes a Difference. She is known for her practical and intuitive parenting style. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter at www.alovingway.com.

Consistency in parenting is hugely important. The reason I even mention this is because I am working on my consistency (starting today) at blogging. When something is a learning curve for us, we tend to put it off to the end of the day. And, then we push it off to tomorrow. Weeks can go by without getting that one thing done.

However, if we do just a little bit, and meet ourselves where we are, it’s amazing what we can accomplish.

So, I am committing to blogging at least weekly, and hopefully more often than that.

How about you? What will you commit to in your parenting journey?

If you can pick up just ONE new thing a week to implement, and use it every day for a week, that would be enough to shift quite a lot.

Take a look at our articles. They may help get you started. (www.alovingway.com/articles)

Happy Parenting!!

Traci

[Traci Carman has been a Mom for 23 years. She is the Founder and CEO of A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes a Difference, and is known for her practical parenting approach. Sign up for the free monthly newsletter at www.alovingway.com.]

I was just reading some blog and forum posts this morning where moms are talking about ignoring their kids in order to elicit better behavior. Hmmm … In these particular posts, we are talking about 3 and 4 years olds. That really makes me sad. I shared what I could there, and I thought I would also post some thoughts here, in case anyone else is struggling with what to do when the kids are acting out.

It’s really …. REALLY …. important to figure out WHY a child is acting out. Is there a new baby in the house? Have you moved? Are there money challenges that are affecting the stress level at home? Have they started pre-school? Did a friend move away? Is dad deployed? Is it a single parent home? There are so many questions that can be asked. The answers will help to uncover where things changed for your child. Why are they doing what they are doing? Do they need MORE attention, not less? (Not that you want to “reward” negative behavior, but you do want them to know that you hear their cry for help.) There is a reason they are acting out.

While you can do things to MAKE your children change their behavior – a lot of times, you are not solving the problem. Do you know when the problem will surface again? In the teen years, if not sooner. Ouch!

You’ve got to invest the time into understanding your child in their early years, or pay back will come with a vigor later on. And, it’s not that they intend to do that. It’s simply that they have hurt feelings, which turns into anger, which gets stuffed down, and HAS to come out at some point in their lives. When a physical wound festers, it gets infected. It’s painful. And it’s harder to resolve. It’s the same with emotional wounds. You don’t want them to fester.

Assume your child is innocent. Learn to communicate with them. You are teaching them that they can trust you. Consider it a brainstorming session. Teach them to understand their feelings, and learn how to express them in an effective way. Their age will dictate how you do this; you can’t get around that. But, ignoring them … that just teaches them that they are alone, they are unlovable (unless they act a certain way), and prevents them from truly knowing who they are. No one is immune from feeling disappointment, sadness, anger, as well as happiness and excitement, etc. We can’t just expect our children to know how to act un-mad when they FEEL mad. Our job in parenting is to help them.

So, ask yourself:
What is my child doing that isn’t working?
Has anything changed recently?
How much time have we been spending together?
Is that different than it used to be?
How can I help? (with love, not anger)

[Traci Carman, A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes A Difference. Traci is a parenting coach, speaker and author. For more information, or to schedule a coaching session, contact Traci at 800-647-1171 or tracicarman@alovingway.com. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter at www.alovingway.com.]

If all we did today, was feel gratitude and peace within us, we would impact the lives of many children through our energy and love. (Traci Gaffney, 800-647-1171, www.alovingway.com)