Amazing Pregnancy and Parenting

I love summer! The sense of relaxation and free flowing days ~ pools, the beach, boats, bikes ~ lots of play! As I watch kids getting anxious for school to get out, I reflect back on those last days of school when I was a kid. Those were such exciting times for all of us, weren’t they?

I thought it might be fun to revisit that experience, almost going back in time, by getting excited with our kids and really connecting with their joy and excitement. Summer is a well-earned vacation for them. They have worked very hard for many months.

This month, I applaud all of our children for the time and work they put into their learning. Job well done!

A special Congratulations to my son, Anthony, who is graduating from high school. “Way to go, Anthony! I am so proud of you.”

Happy Father’s Day to all of our wonderful heroes in life!

Enjoy all of the celebrations this month. It’s an excellent time to appreciate being with those you love. No one knows what life will bring tomorrow. Enjoy today. Be present. Feel the gratitude.

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three and the founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com). She can be reached at  800-647-1171  or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

What is successful parenting? Have you been a successful parent if your kids get good grades? What if your kids don’t get good grades? What about if they are well-mannered? And, if they are not? What if you have great listeners? What if you don’t? What defines a successful parent?  

More and more as I work with families, I am finding that it is important to really understand what parenting is. What are we trying to accomplish? From there, we will know how successful we are.

So, what is parenting ~ really? Parenting is the guiding of children. It is very simple; however, it is not always easy.

In order to be an effective guide in any field, you must know the terrain and you must have trust and connection with those whom you are guiding. The terrain that parents are traversing is the heart. It’s not grades, manners, jobs, and such. Sure, those are important pieces. However, successful parenting is being able to guide from the heart to the heart, from that place of knowing, with wisdom and love. In this place, it becomes apparent, both to the parents and the children, that they are not alone. Being in the heart when we guide our children is being in the presence of God, the Universe, Life. That is where love dwells. We want our children to be happy and loving human beings. That is our real goal, is it not?  

Have you ever felt like you don’t know where to begin with your child? You don’t know where to go? You don’t feel like you connect, can relate, or have the answers? We all have those moments. That is when the connection ~ heart, wisdom and guidance ~ comes in. The answers are in your heart. The answers are in your child’s heart. This is what parenting is. We meet our children where they are as they grow and change. We look inside ourselves and we teach them to look inside themselves. We connect there. The earlier you connect at the heart level, and the earlier you make that your priority, the easier parenting is.

In order to connect at this level, we need to stop long enough to breathe, feel, and listen ~ both to our children and to our own inner wisdom. Again, this is simple, and yet not always easy. When there is a conflict, a behavior challenge, or something just doesn’t seem right, are we so busy that we forget to check in?

Tonight before bed, you might ask your child, “What do you like about your life?” It’s a simple question that allows you to dive right into the heart. Remember to listen to their answer, do not judge it, and be grateful for their sharing. If it takes a few times to get a conversation like this going, that’s okay. Be willing to show up again and again and again, until it happens. The door might need a little oiling.      

Happy Mothers Day to all of you wonderful moms!  

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three and the founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents ~ www.alovingway.com. She can be reached at 800-647-1171 or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

“The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood”   - notes from the talk of Dr. Jim Sears in Temecula, California on 4/26/07.  

You can find healthy recipes at www.askdrsears.com.

In tackling childhood, obesity needs to be the #1 priority.

1 in 3 people hearing this talk will get cancer.

Eating fruit cuts the cancer risk in half.

Obesity is epidemic.

 David Katz, M.D. said, “This generation of children will be the first to have a shorter life span than their parents.”  

SAD (Standard American Diet) causes CAD (coronary artery disease).

Eat healthy foods: train the taste buds starting at 6 months old.

 In Ireland, Sweden, and other countries, marketing to children is banned. The US spends $15 billion marketing to kids.

New York Times, 1/12/05

“If you don’t buy it, they can’t eat it.”

 Terrible 3’s:

• High fructose corn syrup
• Hydrogenated
• Colors and numbers

McDonalds Combo #1 = 1470 calories and 68 grams of fat

Perfect snack food: cut strawberries and blueberries  

Your brain uses 25% of your food energy.

Your brain is the organ that is most affected by nutrition.

Leave a bowl of nuts out. They will disappear. J

Kids need one hour of exercise/activity every day. Before school can make a huge difference at school.

Sugar suppresses the immune system for SIX hours after eating.

• Sugar is fuel for cancer cells.
• A strong immune system will fight cancer cells at the very beginning.

Large bottles of soda = “diabetes in a bottle”

Pop Tarts: 36 grams of sugar

Eat cereal with fruit vs. with sugar

Saying, “That’s all she’ll eat” is a cycle. They will eat what you buy.

Yogurt: Look at the label and watch for sugar content.

Kids need Omega 3 oils and less sugar, not Ridlin.

Brainy Breakfast

• High protein
• Moderate complex carbs
• Smart fats

(eggs, toast, OJ and peanut butter + banana)

Smoothie

1 cup milk (soy, organic cow or other type of milk)

1 dallop of yogurt (for creamy texture)

1 tbs Omega 3 oil

1 scoop Juice Plus Complete

1 banana and some berries

2 tsp cinnamon (helps prevent insulin overload)

Call good for you foods: “pretty hair foods” and “fast running foods.”

Fruits and vegetables are KEY.

Just about any chronic illness can be prevented or affected by eating more fruits and veggies.

Iceberg lettuce: nothing in there

Dark lettuce: very dark, lots of nutrition

Bread: white is light; wheat is heavy. There is no value in white and much value in wheat.

Peanut butter should have only two ingredients: peanuts and salt – nothing else.

Use fruit spreads vs. jelly

Cereals should contain 6 grams or less of sugar, or don’t eat them.

TOP FOODS:
avocado

Blueberries

Eggs

Fish

Flaxseed

Kidney beans

Lentils

Oatmeal

Spinach

Tofu

Tomatoes

Yogurt

Almonds

Artichokes

Broccoli

Olive oil

Oranges

Papaya

Peanut butter

Pink grapefruit

Soy nuts

Sunflower seeds

Sweet potatoes

Turkey

 (Visit  http://alovingway.com/nutrition.htm  for more information on nutrition, or contact Traci Gaffney at 1-800-647-1171.)

The most significant thing for a parent to contribute to anyone, is their own Connection and their own stability. An effective parent is a happy parent. An effective parent is a parent who laughs easily and often, and who doesn’t take things so seriously. (Abraham-Hicks Publications)

For those of you familiar with the Law of Attraction, this is an excellent way to create more peace and harmony at home, laughing and finding the happiness in your life. Not only does this model to our children what is really important in life, it actually creates more of that happiness and peace! This is excellent during pregnancy and at any phase of parenting.   Have a great day!

Temecula, California:

        Tuesday, April 10th at 1:00 am

San Diego, California:

        Wednesday, April 11th at 6:30 pm (Rancho San Diego area)

        Saturday, April 21st  at 11:00 am (Rancho San Diego area)

For more information, please call/e-mail Traci @ 800-647-1171; tracigaffney@alovingway.com)

For those of you who live in or near the Temecula area, we will be having our monthly meditation hour on Saturday, April 28th, from 3:00 to 4:30 p.m. Please contact Traci at 800-647-1171 or tracigaffney@alovingway.com for location and details.

Happy Spring! With all of the cold weather and frost we have had this winter, I think we all appreciate Spring even more than usual. In my yard, I am so happy to see plants that I thought might not make it, actually growing buds. As my kids and I would say, “Thank you, Mr. Sunshine!”  This month I have chosen to write about adoption. I realize it is sort of a taboo subject. I just want to create more awareness and open thinking as to some of the gifts we can give to these babies who are waiting to transition to a new family.  The choice for adoption is very personal and does not come easily for families. It is made with the baby’s well-being in mind. My heart goes out to the birth families, the adoptive families, and the babies.  I have some friends who were adopted as babies, and I also have a friend who gave up her baby for adoption many years ago. I know the pain that comes with these choices from many different perspectives. I also know that these choices are made in love.  Unfortunately, my research has shown that birthmothers are often supported in not bonding with their baby during pregnancy, in order to make it easier for them to let go after birth. It is called “the grey area.” Until now, the intention has been to support the birthmother in taking care of herself and her baby physically, and finding a loving home for the baby, putting the emotions, connection and love on hold until after birth. This is a huge missing for the baby. I cannot stress enough how detrimental this is.  A woman carrying a baby is already a mother. Turning off her feelings does not change that fact. And can she really turn her feelings off? Isn’t she, in actuality, just pretending, reacting out of fear? It hurts the baby and actually hurts the mother as well. She is carrying a child that she loves so much that she would rather share this baby, than to take a chance on creating a lesser life for him. That is love! And to not feel free to express that love is fear. Fear is the opposite of love. What message is actually being sent to the baby?        The baby needs to feel the love of his mother. He needs to be allowed to connect to this loving and wonderful person who has his best interests at heart. And the mother needs to be able to feel the experience of being the best mother she can be, even if that only lasts for those nine months in the womb. That love will go with this baby for his entire life, and there is nothing more grounding, validating and loving that she could EVER do for him. Knowing she gave him this gift is her gift to herself as well.  Anything less than connection and honesty about “what is” between the mother and baby is detrimental. It’s that simple. By not connecting and bonding, a mother risks saying to her child, “I don’t care. I don’t notice you.” It’s simply not true.  The question is not “Can we risk bonding?” The question is “How can we support this bond? How can we grow this baby in truth and love? How do we honor the needs of the baby and mother? And, how can the adoptive parents be part of this process and bond with this baby before birth so that he feels connected in the transition?”   It’s absolutely possible. It’s absolutely essential.    

If you are in the adoption field and would be willing to explore pilot programs in this arena, please contact me. I would also love to hear from any birthmothers and/or adoptive families who would like to explore this area. In 50 years, we will look back and be appalled at how we treated our babies in utero. Prenatal bonding in adoption will be the standard, just like good nutrition is. It’s that important!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Prenatal Bonding and Adoption  Neighbors Newspaper, April  2007 Family Forum Column

The month of March has always been special for me, as this is my birthday month! As some of you may recall, however, last year in this beautiful month of March, my mother passed away. Yes, it has already been a year; how fast time goes by.  In considering what I might choose to write about this month, the topic of Celebration came to me. In the context of my birthday, that topic is obvious. However, making that work in light of it also being the anniversary of my mom’s passing, that made me unsure.  I realized why the word Celebration came to me, though. It is because I celebrated and enjoyed my mom while she was here. I didn’t miss “the moment.” I wasn’t too busy. And that is a saving grace for me. It was a gift from heaven to be sure. It just happened for us that we made it a priority to spend time together. Every month we put a weekend aside and would enjoy a sleepover, fun little shopping sprees, dinner out, watching an old movie, playing cards, looking at old photo albums. Sometimes I would bring my kids, one at a time, for quality grandma and mom time. Were those special moments! I shared every little thing that happened in my life with joy and excitement. My mom was my absolute best cheerleader! She was able to be my cheerleader because I took the time to share with her, to be with her, and to have fun with her. We lived an hour and a half away from each other, and we made that work beautifully.  Who would you like to be a cheerleader for? Who is your cheerleader in life? Celebrate with them. Celebrate for the mere fact that you can! What kind of relationship do you have with your parents, your kids, your siblings, your best friend, your partner? How much would you miss them if they were gone tomorrow, next week or next year? What is it you would miss? Well, guess what? You have THAT today! Celebrate it! Embrace them! Enjoy every moment. You don’t have to get together every week to do that. Feel gratitude for what you have in front of you right now. Savor the moments. Nurture the relationships. What a gift! There is no need for regrets.  In the hustle and bustle of life, no matter who we are or what we do, we all get busy. There is “soccer season,” “holiday season,” “summer season,” and every other season under the sun, all of which bring us busy-ness. And yet, where is the “celebration” in all of this? Even the holidays are not a season of celebration for many people any more.  I believe that our biggest regrets tend to be those things in life that we did not do. So celebrate! Laugh. Love. Live. Make a list of those people who are near and dear to your heart, and call them right now. Set a date on the calendar so you can have moments of wonder, delight and joy. Those moments turn into hours, months and years, and those are the memories that live on forever.    

There is so much to be said about investing in the heart and celebrating life. Find out what that is for you, and create a life of celebrations for you and your family.

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Celebrate  Neighbors Newspaper,  March 2007 Family Forum Column

Well, here we are again in the month of February, typically known as the Month of Love. This month I am excited to share some ideas with you about taking time to love the babies that we carry in our bodies during pregnancy. So often we are busy with all of the things we have to do in our lives, that we do not realize these little ones want and need love, recognition and attention as well. Their needs in utero include much more than food and physical growth.

As you ponder Valentine’s Day and you think about sharing love with your spouse, children, friends and family, remember this little one inside. The entire family can share love with this youngest sibling. It is the most fun!

What moms can do: take just five minutes to sit down and focus your attention on your baby. (I realize this can be more difficult with younger children already running about. It is worth it to be creative and ask for support so that you can do this for yourself and your unborn baby.) Talk to your baby, rub your tummy, and simply say ~ and most importantly, feel ~ I love you. Take note of the response that you feel ~ both within your body and that of your baby.

Babies are very aware of their world in utero. They very much want love and attention, which is connection and safety to them. The fact that they cannot cry or use words to tell us does not make it any less true. Their movements are communication. And when they know that you are communicating back, they are so HAPPY! Want a happy baby after birth? Let them know that the world outside is a wonderful, responsive, loving, communicative place to be. Give them attention. They will be born with that expectation, as this will be the only experience they have had ~ loving and responsive communication.

Dads and siblings can also talk to baby, touch baby (poking the little feet as they bulge out of mommy’s tummy), giggle with baby, and just think about baby. We are all energy. Energy is connected. Baby feels it all! Baby loves it all! And look at how much fun it is for your children to be able to give that kind of love.

When you think about love, think about how you can share it also with your unborn baby. It will make a profound difference in his/her life, and in yours. An excellent book to read is Prenatal Parenting by Frederick Wirth, M.D. Investing in your unborn baby is truly one of the most important and life enhancing gifts you can ever give to another human being. It will come back to you (and bless your baby) many times over in the course of his/her journey through life.

May you enjoy the wonderful experience of sharing love with your family ~ including the little ones not yet seen.

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Love Breaks ~ Loving Your Unborn Baby Neighbors Newspaper, February 2007 Family Forum Column

Happy New Year! Can you believe we are in 2007?! Wow!

Since we are coming off of a two-week break from school, and since kids can tend to squabble a little during breaks, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to talk about sibling rivalry.

When kids are fighting, arguing and just simply not getting along, it creates a rough time for all. Generally, we usually tell them to “get along or don’t play together.” Sound familiar?

Here is some food for thought …

• What if sibling rivalry was nothing more than an opportunity to learn?
• What if arguing with our siblings was “practice?”
• What if mom and/or dad (or grandma or another caretaker) could utilize those opportunities to teach communication skills?

As children grow up, they realize more and more how different they are from other people. This is actually a good thing ~ having their own identity. When children are very young and realize it for the first time, they get really excited about this. It’s actually fun to watch this discovery phase in their life.

When kids are fighting over things, many times it’s just their lack of really getting that the world doesn’t revolve around them and there are other people who have needs and wants too. They don’t fight to get on our nerves. They don’t fight to be mean. The problem is that they simply haven’t developed the skill set for creating win/win situations yet. They think in terms of win/lose. That’s where the “opportunity” shows up. We get to teach these communication skills to our children!

The next time your kids are fighting about something, sit down (at eye level) with them. Let them know you are there to help them resolve this challenge. Give each of them an opportunity to share their side of the story. What is their truth? Once you have heard both sides, point out that there is no right or wrong; there are just differences. Explain that the key is “HOW do we make it a win/win?” Be creative. Teaching kids the “how to” about communication in childhood allows them to tap into their empathy, compassion, forgiveness, love, giving, and receiving ~ EARLY in their lives. There are so many benefits to gently walking children through this process of communication.

When you stop for a minute, regroup, and sit down to listen to your kids and support them in growing through this process, you will be AMAZED at what you see. I have done this with my own children for years and have found that it is truly a gift for them to learn these skills. It is also a gift for US to watch this miracle occur, of empowering children in this way!

May you have much fun with your children in this New Year!  

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Sibling Rivalry Neighbors Newspaper, January 2007 Family Forum Column