A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes a Difference!

There is no job quite like that of being a mother. I remember when I brought my first son home from the hospital, being in somewhat of a state of shock that they actually let me go home without a nurse! I wondered what made me automatically able to care for a brand new baby 7/24. How could they just assume I would be good at this new job? Well, 19 years later, with my oldest son now in his first year of college, I have found that instinct and intuition come in very handy!

There are so many opportunities to celebrate motherhood:

• At the point when we find out we are pregnant, it’s a time to celebrate that we have been chosen by another soul as a guide in their journey of life. What an awesome honor that is!

• When we give birth … wow! If you have an opportunity to give birth without an epidural, and REALLY connect with your body, your instinct, AND your baby ~ creating partnership and cooperation ~ that is the most empowering and exhilarating experience I have ever had!

• Breastfeeding … the pain I felt for the first two weeks (with each of my babies), and thinking it would never end, and then like magic, it disappeared and we shared bliss for two to three years each! Breastfeeding is one of the most joyous and deepening experiences there are. To stop everything in your life and only focus on nurturing and loving this beautiful innocent being right there in front of you … what a gift for both mommy and baby!

• As our children go through their milestones, their heartaches, their victories, we celebrate, we cry, we love, and we support. There is nothing like being a mother. There is nothing like the connection and the bond that come with this job. There is nothing like knowing in your deepest core of who you are, that you would do anything for this human being, and there is nothing that could stop you from that drive. There is a love, a commitment, an adoration, and a joy that cannot be expressed except through experience.

For those of you who are embarking on motherhood for the first time, or if you already are fully engaged in raising children, every moment is a wonderful time to celebrate! These beautiful, precious children are here for such a short time under our wings, and then they must fly. May we celebrate motherhood, and teach our children to celebrate life, love and laughter. Let’s raise the vibration of this planet by starting with our children, by starting with our core.

May you find joy in every experience of your journey and the journey of your children. May the tears only serve to bring you deeper and closer to the core of who you are, who your children are, and to the essence of the very Source of Life. May you feel the love of all mothers. May you enjoy the blessings of connection and contribution. Celebrate motherhood at every possible moment, for we never know what tomorrow may bring.

In Love and Gratitude for this Awesome Gift!

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three children, and the Founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com). She is a Parenting and  Life Coach, Speaker and Author, with an extensive background in energy healing.   She can be reached at  800-647-1171  or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

With school back in session, and some kids going for the first time (whether kindergarten or pre-school), some families may be dealing with the issue of separation anxiety. If that is you, or if you have ever before experienced this with your child, I would love to share some food for thought.

Many times, when our children are faced with separation anxiety, we are told that the best thing to do is leave, and they will settle down and be fine. And, in most cases, that does appear to happen. However, what we are not addressing, and are unable to physically see, is the emotional impact these events have on a child.

When kids are going through separation anxiety, it is very real for them. They need reassurance, trust, care, and some time for transition. While we know they are safe and well taken care of where we are leaving them, they do not. They want mom or dad. There is nothing wrong with that. It is not a power struggle. It is not about control. It is about fear, insecurity, and loss of connection with the most important person in their life. These are valid concerns that need to be acknowledged and addressed with love.

Here are a few suggestions that might be helpful …  

• The night before school, talk with your child about what it is like to go to school and to be away from mommy and daddy. What are their fears? What are their joys? Talk about it, and reassure them. Most of all, listen and validate them. Their fears are real. They just need to work through them.
• Make arrangements with your work to allow some flexibility in the morning for dropping off your little ones with care (spending extra time, if necessary).
• Schedule your morning free of appointments so that you have the flexibility to ease your child into his day. Be willing to stay long enough to allow for the transition. (You will know when that is by staying connected to your feelings, and not being stressed about having to move on to another appointment. This temporary accommodation will pay off later.)
• Get excited about the classroom and let them show you their books, friends, etc. They want to find a way to incorporate you into their new space.
• Give your child something to remember you by for the day, and let them give you something as well, for you to remember them for the day.

We want our kids to know that we are there for them. Change can be hard. Separation can be difficult. It is for us too. So, let’s be with our children, as they go through these events in their lives. Let’s show them that we are sensitive to their deepest feelings and needs, that we won’t abandon them, they can trust us, and we love them. Yes, this may mean a few long good-bye’s and some patience on behalf of a few adults. Let’s tend to the emotional needs of our children, and nurture their little hearts through the growing pains. In the end, you will find fewer power struggles, better communication, and a higher level of mutual respect. Your child is not trying to control you. They just want to feel safe and close to you. Take a few minutes to see what you can do to create an easier transition. In the process of exploring this ~ with the help of your child ~ you will create an even deeper and more loving relationship that will last far beyond a few days of extra hugs and longer good-bye’s.

And, remember, YOU are the expert when it comes to your child. Listen to your heart. (Traci Gaffney, www.alovingway.com,    1-800-647-1171.)

Conscious parenting is simply the art of awareness. When your kids are acting out of character, rather than jumping on the behavior, ask them questions. Find out what’s not working in their world. They may be struggling with something. They may be tired. They may have stress you are not aware of. Could it be school starting? Get to know your child. Ask from the heart, and then listen from the heart. Be a conscious parent. It makes everything so much more fun! (Traci Gaffney, www.alovingway.com, 1-800-647-1171.)

When I was pregnant, one of my favorite things to do was to just sit in a favorite chair and “be” with my baby. We didn’t necessary “do” anything or say anything; we just were together. I would actually feel myself loving this baby, and feel the love coming back. Those are some very memorable moments. Try it! It’s phenominal!    (Traci Gaffney, www.alovingway.com,  800-647-1171.)

When you feel those little toes kicking your tummy, take advantage of this “hello” moment by rubbing them, poking them back, and giggling. Your baby will LOVE the interaction with you! (Traci Gaffney, www.alovingway.com, 800-647-1171.)

As kids are heading back to school, take just a moment to remember what it was like for you on the first day of a new school year  … both the excitement and the fear. Do as much  preparation  the night before as possible. This alleviates a lot of last minute stress. And, talk to your kids. Find out what’s going on in their little world as they embark on a new teacher, new kids, new information. This will ease their fears, bring deeper connection between you, and provide an opportunity for you to better know who they are today.  (Traci Gaffney, www.alovingway.com, 800-647-1171.)

As a parent, we do the best job we can with the resources, knowledge and wisdom we possess. Something I have just recently been able to put into words, and thought I would pass along to each of you, is the fact that we need to experience the world through the eyes, ears and hearts of our children in order to be the most effective with them. When we meet them at their level, ask what is going on in their world, and simply ask what they need from us, the floodgates of heaven open.

If you can imagine for just a moment, being age five again … did you understand the world, life, “good and bad,” as you do now? Of course not. Sometimes we forget that our children have limited experiences to draw from, and that we must come to their world to interact and teach, as opposed to asking them to come to our world (perspective).

Every “misbehavior,” “trouble,” “disagreement,” and/or “acting out,” if you will, is nothing more than a child saying, “I’ve hit the boundary limits of my knowledge and skills. Please teach me more.” That’s all it is.

As we move into fall, and school commences once again, I would like to challenge each parent to think before judging, to feel before reacting, and to ask themselves, “Has my child reached the boundary limit of their knowledge and skill sets? Is this simply another opportunity for me to teach?” Kids are curious and adventurous beings. And … they are learning. We must remember both.

Let’s concentrate on the love and connection that every human being wants, and show our children acceptance. And, let’s see parenting as the teaching role that it is. We are blessed to have been given a student to mentor. Let’s guide our children up the mountain of life, enjoying the view all the while. The skills we teach them now will help them in friendships, marriage, business adventures, and their relationships with themselves.

What a great gift to give our children ~ experiencing the world through their eyes, ears and heart ~ teaching and guiding them in their journey. That’s really what being a parent is, isn’t it?

Have a beautiful month of August. Enjoy the sunshine and the love!

Traci Gaffney has three children, is a parenting coach, speaker and author, and is the Founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com).

I love summer! The sense of relaxation and free flowing days ~ pools, the beach, boats, bikes ~ lots of play! As I watch kids getting anxious for school to get out, I reflect back on those last days of school when I was a kid. Those were such exciting times for all of us, weren’t they?

I thought it might be fun to revisit that experience, almost going back in time, by getting excited with our kids and really connecting with their joy and excitement. Summer is a well-earned vacation for them. They have worked very hard for many months.

This month, I applaud all of our children for the time and work they put into their learning. Job well done!

A special Congratulations to my son, Anthony, who is graduating from high school. “Way to go, Anthony! I am so proud of you.”

Happy Father’s Day to all of our wonderful heroes in life!

Enjoy all of the celebrations this month. It’s an excellent time to appreciate being with those you love. No one knows what life will bring tomorrow. Enjoy today. Be present. Feel the gratitude.

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three and the founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com). She can be reached at  800-647-1171  or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

What is successful parenting? Have you been a successful parent if your kids get good grades? What if your kids don’t get good grades? What about if they are well-mannered? And, if they are not? What if you have great listeners? What if you don’t? What defines a successful parent?  

More and more as I work with families, I am finding that it is important to really understand what parenting is. What are we trying to accomplish? From there, we will know how successful we are.

So, what is parenting ~ really? Parenting is the guiding of children. It is very simple; however, it is not always easy.

In order to be an effective guide in any field, you must know the terrain and you must have trust and connection with those whom you are guiding. The terrain that parents are traversing is the heart. It’s not grades, manners, jobs, and such. Sure, those are important pieces. However, successful parenting is being able to guide from the heart to the heart, from that place of knowing, with wisdom and love. In this place, it becomes apparent, both to the parents and the children, that they are not alone. Being in the heart when we guide our children is being in the presence of God, the Universe, Life. That is where love dwells. We want our children to be happy and loving human beings. That is our real goal, is it not?  

Have you ever felt like you don’t know where to begin with your child? You don’t know where to go? You don’t feel like you connect, can relate, or have the answers? We all have those moments. That is when the connection ~ heart, wisdom and guidance ~ comes in. The answers are in your heart. The answers are in your child’s heart. This is what parenting is. We meet our children where they are as they grow and change. We look inside ourselves and we teach them to look inside themselves. We connect there. The earlier you connect at the heart level, and the earlier you make that your priority, the easier parenting is.

In order to connect at this level, we need to stop long enough to breathe, feel, and listen ~ both to our children and to our own inner wisdom. Again, this is simple, and yet not always easy. When there is a conflict, a behavior challenge, or something just doesn’t seem right, are we so busy that we forget to check in?

Tonight before bed, you might ask your child, “What do you like about your life?” It’s a simple question that allows you to dive right into the heart. Remember to listen to their answer, do not judge it, and be grateful for their sharing. If it takes a few times to get a conversation like this going, that’s okay. Be willing to show up again and again and again, until it happens. The door might need a little oiling.      

Happy Mothers Day to all of you wonderful moms!  

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three and the founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents ~ www.alovingway.com. She can be reached at 800-647-1171 or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

“The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood”   - notes from the talk of Dr. Jim Sears in Temecula, California on 4/26/07.  

You can find healthy recipes at www.askdrsears.com.

In tackling childhood, obesity needs to be the #1 priority.

1 in 3 people hearing this talk will get cancer.

Eating fruit cuts the cancer risk in half.

Obesity is epidemic.

 David Katz, M.D. said, “This generation of children will be the first to have a shorter life span than their parents.”  

SAD (Standard American Diet) causes CAD (coronary artery disease).

Eat healthy foods: train the taste buds starting at 6 months old.

 In Ireland, Sweden, and other countries, marketing to children is banned. The US spends $15 billion marketing to kids.

New York Times, 1/12/05

“If you don’t buy it, they can’t eat it.”

 Terrible 3′s:

• High fructose corn syrup
• Hydrogenated
• Colors and numbers

McDonalds Combo #1 = 1470 calories and 68 grams of fat

Perfect snack food: cut strawberries and blueberries  

Your brain uses 25% of your food energy.

Your brain is the organ that is most affected by nutrition.

Leave a bowl of nuts out. They will disappear. J

Kids need one hour of exercise/activity every day. Before school can make a huge difference at school.

Sugar suppresses the immune system for SIX hours after eating.

• Sugar is fuel for cancer cells.
• A strong immune system will fight cancer cells at the very beginning.

Large bottles of soda = “diabetes in a bottle”

Pop Tarts: 36 grams of sugar

Eat cereal with fruit vs. with sugar

Saying, “That’s all she’ll eat” is a cycle. They will eat what you buy.

Yogurt: Look at the label and watch for sugar content.

Kids need Omega 3 oils and less sugar, not Ridlin.

Brainy Breakfast

• High protein
• Moderate complex carbs
• Smart fats

(eggs, toast, OJ and peanut butter + banana)

Smoothie

1 cup milk (soy, organic cow or other type of milk)

1 dallop of yogurt (for creamy texture)

1 tbs Omega 3 oil

1 scoop Juice Plus Complete

1 banana and some berries

2 tsp cinnamon (helps prevent insulin overload)

Call good for you foods: “pretty hair foods” and “fast running foods.”

Fruits and vegetables are KEY.

Just about any chronic illness can be prevented or affected by eating more fruits and veggies.

Iceberg lettuce: nothing in there

Dark lettuce: very dark, lots of nutrition

Bread: white is light; wheat is heavy. There is no value in white and much value in wheat.

Peanut butter should have only two ingredients: peanuts and salt – nothing else.

Use fruit spreads vs. jelly

Cereals should contain 6 grams or less of sugar, or don’t eat them.

TOP FOODS:
avocado

Blueberries

Eggs

Fish

Flaxseed

Kidney beans

Lentils

Oatmeal

Spinach

Tofu

Tomatoes

Yogurt

Almonds

Artichokes

Broccoli

Olive oil

Oranges

Papaya

Peanut butter

Pink grapefruit

Soy nuts

Sunflower seeds

Sweet potatoes

Turkey

 (Visit  http://alovingway.com/nutrition.htm  for more information on nutrition, or contact Traci Gaffney at 1-800-647-1171.)