Amazing Pregnancy and Parenting

Pregnancy and baby ~ Everything that a mother feels, the baby feels. So, if you are going through stress, know that your baby feels the stress. There is no need to feel guilty about it. Stress is, unfortunately, a part of life. Some have more than others. Finding a way to keep it at a minimum is best, of course.

When it does come up, however, what you want to do is simply be aware that your baby is feeling what you feel. Then, you want to talk to your baby. Let your baby know that you are a little nervous, scared, frustrated, whatever the feeling is, and that it is YOUR stuff, not his/hers. Tell your baby that everything is okay, you are taking care of things, and that he/she can continue to sleep, eat, play, and feel joy. You are giving your baby permission to be who he/she is, and not take on your “baggage.”

I know it seems that the baby couldn’t possibly understand this, but we are talking about ENERGY. We are talking about INTENTION. We are talking about RELATIONSHIP, LOVE. Your baby will receive your energetic message.

And, when you are feeling happy, SHARE that with your baby! Talk to your baby about that too! Describe what it is that you are feeling, why you are feeling it, and rub his/her little feet (if you can feel them) while you do it.

Communication is essential to a healthy relationship with your baby for many years to come.

Traci L. Gaffney
A Loving Way
A Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents
800-647-1171
www.alovingway.com

Months of Pregnancy … many people think of this time as the “planning” window for baby’s arrival. Most moms are still working and doing their usual routine. Did you know that this is the opportune time to start building a relationship with your baby? 

Our babies are already here when they are in our belly. They don’t “arrive” when they are born. Right now ~ wherever you are in your pregnancy ~ is the BEST time to start creating a relationship by talking to your baby, rubbing your tummy, playing with his/her feet, and simply sharing those “good feeling” feelings and thoughts. It will do so much for your baby, for your mood, and for your long-term relationship. Have fun!

Written by Traci Gaffney; www.alovingway.com; 800-647-1171; tracigaffney@alovingway.com. Traci is a Parenting/Pregnancy Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Author.

Our next Peaceful Bellies six week series of calls will be starting on February 5, 2008 at 5:30 pm (PST). For more information and to register, go to http://www.alovingway.com/peacefulbelliespregnancy.htm.

Moms are busy people! We know that. This is a powerful SIMPLE program designed to take you inside with yourself AND your baby for 30 minutes a week. You will feel more connected and more in tune with what is happening than you could imagine. You will find yourself feeling more confident, peaceful and grounded.

Come join us! And, tell your friends!

A Loving Way, www.alovingway.com, 800-647-1171, info@alovingway.com.

There is no job quite like that of being a mother. I remember when I brought my first son home from the hospital, being in somewhat of a state of shock that they actually let me go home without a nurse! I wondered what made me automatically able to care for a brand new baby 7/24. How could they just assume I would be good at this new job? Well, 19 years later, with my oldest son now in his first year of college, I have found that instinct and intuition come in very handy!

There are so many opportunities to celebrate motherhood:

• At the point when we find out we are pregnant, it’s a time to celebrate that we have been chosen by another soul as a guide in their journey of life. What an awesome honor that is!

• When we give birth … wow! If you have an opportunity to give birth without an epidural, and REALLY connect with your body, your instinct, AND your baby ~ creating partnership and cooperation ~ that is the most empowering and exhilarating experience I have ever had!

• Breastfeeding … the pain I felt for the first two weeks (with each of my babies), and thinking it would never end, and then like magic, it disappeared and we shared bliss for two to three years each! Breastfeeding is one of the most joyous and deepening experiences there are. To stop everything in your life and only focus on nurturing and loving this beautiful innocent being right there in front of you … what a gift for both mommy and baby!

• As our children go through their milestones, their heartaches, their victories, we celebrate, we cry, we love, and we support. There is nothing like being a mother. There is nothing like the connection and the bond that come with this job. There is nothing like knowing in your deepest core of who you are, that you would do anything for this human being, and there is nothing that could stop you from that drive. There is a love, a commitment, an adoration, and a joy that cannot be expressed except through experience.

For those of you who are embarking on motherhood for the first time, or if you already are fully engaged in raising children, every moment is a wonderful time to celebrate! These beautiful, precious children are here for such a short time under our wings, and then they must fly. May we celebrate motherhood, and teach our children to celebrate life, love and laughter. Let’s raise the vibration of this planet by starting with our children, by starting with our core.

May you find joy in every experience of your journey and the journey of your children. May the tears only serve to bring you deeper and closer to the core of who you are, who your children are, and to the essence of the very Source of Life. May you feel the love of all mothers. May you enjoy the blessings of connection and contribution. Celebrate motherhood at every possible moment, for we never know what tomorrow may bring.

In Love and Gratitude for this Awesome Gift!

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three children, and the Founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com). She is a Parenting and  Life Coach, Speaker and Author, with an extensive background in energy healing.   She can be reached at  800-647-1171  or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

The most significant thing for a parent to contribute to anyone, is their own Connection and their own stability. An effective parent is a happy parent. An effective parent is a parent who laughs easily and often, and who doesn’t take things so seriously. (Abraham-Hicks Publications)

For those of you familiar with the Law of Attraction, this is an excellent way to create more peace and harmony at home, laughing and finding the happiness in your life. Not only does this model to our children what is really important in life, it actually creates more of that happiness and peace! This is excellent during pregnancy and at any phase of parenting.   Have a great day!

Happy Spring! With all of the cold weather and frost we have had this winter, I think we all appreciate Spring even more than usual. In my yard, I am so happy to see plants that I thought might not make it, actually growing buds. As my kids and I would say, “Thank you, Mr. Sunshine!”  This month I have chosen to write about adoption. I realize it is sort of a taboo subject. I just want to create more awareness and open thinking as to some of the gifts we can give to these babies who are waiting to transition to a new family.  The choice for adoption is very personal and does not come easily for families. It is made with the baby’s well-being in mind. My heart goes out to the birth families, the adoptive families, and the babies.  I have some friends who were adopted as babies, and I also have a friend who gave up her baby for adoption many years ago. I know the pain that comes with these choices from many different perspectives. I also know that these choices are made in love.  Unfortunately, my research has shown that birthmothers are often supported in not bonding with their baby during pregnancy, in order to make it easier for them to let go after birth. It is called “the grey area.” Until now, the intention has been to support the birthmother in taking care of herself and her baby physically, and finding a loving home for the baby, putting the emotions, connection and love on hold until after birth. This is a huge missing for the baby. I cannot stress enough how detrimental this is.  A woman carrying a baby is already a mother. Turning off her feelings does not change that fact. And can she really turn her feelings off? Isn’t she, in actuality, just pretending, reacting out of fear? It hurts the baby and actually hurts the mother as well. She is carrying a child that she loves so much that she would rather share this baby, than to take a chance on creating a lesser life for him. That is love! And to not feel free to express that love is fear. Fear is the opposite of love. What message is actually being sent to the baby?        The baby needs to feel the love of his mother. He needs to be allowed to connect to this loving and wonderful person who has his best interests at heart. And the mother needs to be able to feel the experience of being the best mother she can be, even if that only lasts for those nine months in the womb. That love will go with this baby for his entire life, and there is nothing more grounding, validating and loving that she could EVER do for him. Knowing she gave him this gift is her gift to herself as well.  Anything less than connection and honesty about “what is” between the mother and baby is detrimental. It’s that simple. By not connecting and bonding, a mother risks saying to her child, “I don’t care. I don’t notice you.” It’s simply not true.  The question is not “Can we risk bonding?” The question is “How can we support this bond? How can we grow this baby in truth and love? How do we honor the needs of the baby and mother? And, how can the adoptive parents be part of this process and bond with this baby before birth so that he feels connected in the transition?”   It’s absolutely possible. It’s absolutely essential.    

If you are in the adoption field and would be willing to explore pilot programs in this arena, please contact me. I would also love to hear from any birthmothers and/or adoptive families who would like to explore this area. In 50 years, we will look back and be appalled at how we treated our babies in utero. Prenatal bonding in adoption will be the standard, just like good nutrition is. It’s that important!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Prenatal Bonding and Adoption  Neighbors Newspaper, April  2007 Family Forum Column

Well, here we are again in the month of February, typically known as the Month of Love. This month I am excited to share some ideas with you about taking time to love the babies that we carry in our bodies during pregnancy. So often we are busy with all of the things we have to do in our lives, that we do not realize these little ones want and need love, recognition and attention as well. Their needs in utero include much more than food and physical growth.

As you ponder Valentine’s Day and you think about sharing love with your spouse, children, friends and family, remember this little one inside. The entire family can share love with this youngest sibling. It is the most fun!

What moms can do: take just five minutes to sit down and focus your attention on your baby. (I realize this can be more difficult with younger children already running about. It is worth it to be creative and ask for support so that you can do this for yourself and your unborn baby.) Talk to your baby, rub your tummy, and simply say ~ and most importantly, feel ~ I love you. Take note of the response that you feel ~ both within your body and that of your baby.

Babies are very aware of their world in utero. They very much want love and attention, which is connection and safety to them. The fact that they cannot cry or use words to tell us does not make it any less true. Their movements are communication. And when they know that you are communicating back, they are so HAPPY! Want a happy baby after birth? Let them know that the world outside is a wonderful, responsive, loving, communicative place to be. Give them attention. They will be born with that expectation, as this will be the only experience they have had ~ loving and responsive communication.

Dads and siblings can also talk to baby, touch baby (poking the little feet as they bulge out of mommy’s tummy), giggle with baby, and just think about baby. We are all energy. Energy is connected. Baby feels it all! Baby loves it all! And look at how much fun it is for your children to be able to give that kind of love.

When you think about love, think about how you can share it also with your unborn baby. It will make a profound difference in his/her life, and in yours. An excellent book to read is Prenatal Parenting by Frederick Wirth, M.D. Investing in your unborn baby is truly one of the most important and life enhancing gifts you can ever give to another human being. It will come back to you (and bless your baby) many times over in the course of his/her journey through life.

May you enjoy the wonderful experience of sharing love with your family ~ including the little ones not yet seen.

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Love Breaks ~ Loving Your Unborn Baby Neighbors Newspaper, February 2007 Family Forum Column

My absolute favorite holiday is Christmas! Growing up, we did not celebrate Christmas, and I realize that has given me a huge gift! The gift is this: as I began in my adult years to celebrate this holiday, and had such a wonderful, joyful experience of doing so, I noticed that a lot of adults were not having as much fun! It seemed as though the hustle and bustle, figuring out gifts, getting trees, hanging lights, all created a “chore” out of Christmas. It became stressful and the fun disappeared.

What was different for me was that I was experiencing Christmas from a child’s perspective. It was new for me. It was something I had dreamed of, and wanted when I was a child, but couldn’t have. Now I had it! The lights, the excitement, the colors ~ it was magical! To have that experience as an adult, to be so innocent and excited ~ that was so much fun!!

When we grow up, maybe we get “real” about Christmas and that’s where it loses its magic. It becomes a chore, another thing to do, rather than an experience to be had. I remember the year when it started feeling burdensome to me. I asked myself, “Why am I not having as much fun this year?” I realized it was because it was not so “new” and it was becoming “work” rather than “play.” I made a conscious choice not to let that happen! There is no reason to lose the fun and excitement of Christmas! It simply doesn’t have to be that way.

I would like to offer you a gift. If you can, sit down when you are done reading this article, and close your eyes. Remember back to one of your favorite and most fun memories of Christmas as a child. Get in touch with the feelings of excitement, fun and absolutely uncontainable joy. Just feel what that feels like. Breathe. If you haven’t hung your lights, put up your tree, or shopped, or whatever else you think you “need” to do, see how you can do that from your child perspective, the place of fun, excitement and joy. Can you do it with your kids? Can you get excited about surprising someone with a special gift? What about making gifts this year? What can you do to recreate the magic for yourself? Ask your kids what makes Christmas magical for them. What makes Christmas magical for you? Make a point to include at least some of that in your holiday this year!

This is the end of the year. We have been working, building and creating for 11 months. Now that we have some time off from school, and hopefully some time off from work, let’s take a moment to touch the magic of the lights, the spirit of giving, and the attitude of gratitude that we have this time to be together. Are there people in your life that were here last year and are now gone (moved, passed away, or your relationship simply changed)? Thank them in your heart for their contribution to your life. Wish them well. Breathe. Absorb the moments that are ending this year, and setting the foundation for next year. Enjoy your kids. Savor the moments. This is the only year Christmas will be experienced this way, at these ages, with these experiences. Every year will be new and different. Will you teach your children to savor these magical moments, or will they grow to resent the work that it takes to create them? Just a thought.

Love is all that is real. Regardless of our differences in religion and/or ways of life, love is something that is consistent and real. Make that, and gratitude, your focus, and your life will absolutely be beautiful.

Merry Christmas! May Santa bring you many hugs and much love this season!

 Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Ahhh, It’s Christmas! Neighbors Newspaper, December 2006 Family Forum Column

In January of this year, I wrote about gratitude and keeping a journal, as a family, of the things that we are thankful for each month of the year. When my mother passed away in March, I must say that my train went off the tracks and my gratitude journal each month has not been as consistent as I had originally anticipated. As I am contemplating the month of November, the month of Thanksgiving, I thought it would be a great time to rekindle the attitude of gratitude in our family. So, this month, I would like to encourage families to keep a piece of paper (colored construction paper works best for us) on or near the table where your family eats their meals, and to spend a few minutes over dinner (or breakfast) writing down the things that each of you has in your life that you feel grateful for. In our house, sometimes it’s the hamsters or the trampoline, a favorite dinner, a friend at school, a new toy, a day off from school, even the wind, the sound of the leaves in the trees, a beautiful colorful backyard, peace and quiet, time together, a warm blanket, and the list goes on and on. I am amazed when my kids appreciate nature and those simple things in life that can so easily go unnoticed. The sound that leaves make when blowing in the wind ~ that came from my kids!

Gratitude is a VERY powerful tool in life. It is easy, and yet it is just as easy to forget. If you can create a means by which to include it in every day, the sky is the limit in what you can create! I hear stories about gratitude and the benefits of feeling and expressing it every single day. Even just the feeling in your heart, in your whole body, when you share these things with your family ~ it’s like communion with God. I don’t think there are many things more beautiful than sharing love and gratitude with others, and especially your children.

So, that would be my thoughts for the month of November. See how many things in your life you are grateful for. My kids have gotten to the point where they go on and on and on, they are so excited to fill the sheet! They are getting such an education in the little things in life, which are some of the most impactful and important things at the end of the day.

May your Thanksgiving be filled with gratitude and love, warmth and family, blessings and peace. I look forward to experiencing the warm glow as our world is brightened by all of the gratitude that we will be sharing this holiday season!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

A Month of Giving Thanks Neighbors Newspaper, November 2006 Family Forum Column

Welcome to the month of March! Spring is around the corner and some of our flowers have begun to bloom. How exciting is that!  

I decided to write this month’s article on the topic of pregnancy and babies, something else that is always in bloom. I am passionate about children, especially about meeting their emotional needs, and have been actively involved in this area for more than 17 years. I love to share what I have learned.  

Many families do not realize this, but babies are aware of their experience and what happens around them well beforebirth. More and more, studies are providing information that supports the fact that our babies need love, connection and a relationship during the pregnancy months. Currently, we make plans, paint rooms, buy furniture, and do all of the customary preparations for our new arrival. However, we often miss the opportunity of bonding with them for those nine or ten months prior to birth. With everything else we have to do, including caring for other children and our jobs, it might seem overwhelming to even think about having to “do” another thing!  

I have good news! It’s easy and it’s fun. And the value …. priceless!  Moms, dads and even siblings can all build a relationship early! When your little one arrives, you will just be EXPANDING your already developed relationship, as opposed to starting one from scratch. (Imagine how this changes the impact on your home in the first few months after birth.)

Now you may ask, “How do I bond with someone I can’t see, touch or hear?” This might seem especially difficult for dads and siblings who can’t really even feel the baby most of the time. Well, you can start with the pokey little feet. We’ve all seen those! The next time you see little feet pushing on mommy’s tummy, gently push back. The message, in many cases, is, “Hello! Can you play?” It’s quite cool when you realize that you are responding to each other. Talk about a happy baby!

You can also listen to soothing music at night when you go to bed. Spend this time thinking about your little one, sharing a feeling of calm and love. All of you will relax into a wonderful night sleep. You can also write letters or cards of love to your baby to inform them of special events (doctors visit, a painted room, siblings award, etc.) or just to say “I love you!” It’s about including the baby. The baby FEELS the shift in YOUR energy, and FEELS loved and safe.  

Siblings can draw pictures for the baby’s room or the baby book. And, be sure to allow them the opportunity to actually present the picture to their little brother or sister, as the baby will receive the energy and the feelings of love and excitement. The key is in the energy and feelings that are being conveyed. You would be AMAZED at what babies are able to FEEL in utero!  

Give it a try. Begin bonding with your new baby right now. It’s so worth it! You will enjoy this time so much more, and I GUARANTEE you that your little one will enjoy every single minute of your time and your love received in the womb. You will get that love back a million times over during your lifetime!

If you would like additional information or ideas, or if you are having a particularly difficult pregnancy, please feel free to contact me at tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

Here’s to healthy children and happy families.

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Spring is in the Air Neighbors Newspaper, March 2006 Family Forum Column