Amazing Pregnancy and Parenting

You might wonder if these two words even look right next to each other. Anyone who has school age children and lives in California is now aware of the fact that the State of California has changed the Wellness Policy (nutrition standards) for every school in the State. That’s quite a statement! They are recognizing the overall poor state of health of children.

Personally, I was thrilled to hear the news. I am an advocate for children’s health and I couldn’t be happier that California is paving the way for a healthier America!

Writing a column about nutrition and health during the month of October, when Halloween is at the top of the list, is an interesting undertaking. The good news is that it works! The reason: we all want our children to be happy and healthy. That doesn’t change on Halloween night.

On Halloween, that one special day, our kids get to be something (or someone) new. They get to play, explore, pretend. So do we! What a treat! Who doesn’t like to do that?

The other side of Halloween … is candy. It took me one Halloween with my oldest son when he was very young to realize that eating candy while trick or treating was not a good plan – at least not for our family. Meltdown, fatigue and sugar overload didn’t go hand in hand with the fun of gallivanting on trick or treat night. Since then, our general rule is no candy eating during trick or treating (maybe one towards the end of the night as the kids are getting older), and only a total of one candy can be eaten that night (after all wrappers are checked for quality/safety control). Our kids don’t even squawk about it. It’s just what we do.

What I find amazing is that within 1-2 days, my kids totally forget about the candy they collected on Halloween night. They love the pile the night of Halloween – that is quite an accomplishment. But they really aren’t interested and don’t seem to have an investment in eating the candy down the road. Whew! Thank goodness!

Halloween is really more about the experience of dressing up, going out with friends and family, checking out costumes and decorations, saying “trick or treat,” and seeing how much candy you can collect. It’s really not about eating the candy. Something to think about.

So, I say enjoy and explore and have the time of your life with your kids. Set boundaries and have conversations, in advance, about when and how much candy can be eaten. And … very important … make sure they have a good solid dinner before going out trick or treating. It makes a huge difference for them. The night goes better. They aren’t eating candy because they are hungry. They have more fun. You have more fun. It’s just a good plan.

In light of the nutrition changes in California, and the awareness that is developing about health, if you would like to receive helpful hints for healthy school lunch ideas, information about free nutrition talks in the area, or if you would like to know how to easily get 17 raw fruits, vegetables and grains into your family every day, feel free to contact me at 800-647-1171 or e-mail me at tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

May you have a safe and happy Halloween!!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Healthy Halloween Neighbors Newspaper, October 2006 Family Forum Column

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes wonder how we manage to shift a wonderful free flowing summer schedule into the crash of August when we hit school along with soccer and the many other sports that come in the fall. And when you have more than one child doing sports, taxi service is in full swing!

Well, I guess we just do it. We adjust and move on. And isn’t that true in most things that we do in life. I think the most important piece, at least from my experience, is being in the moment. I notice that when I show up for soccer practice without thinking of all the many things I could be doing, I actually enjoy it. The most amazing thing is I can tell that my kids notice the difference. They love it when we care about what they are doing. They get to impress us!  

Balance is another key to fitting everything in. When you begin to tap into your intuition, which we all have, you start to feel when your plate is full. You won’t say “yes” when your insides are screaming a definite “no.” (How many of us have done that a few times?)   It’s okay to know when your plate is full and it’s okay to say so. That allows you the opportunity to do your best at everything you choose to take on. Otherwise, don’t we get overloaded, resentful, tired, and next year we choose not to volunteer or participate at all? Pacing ourselves and knowing when to say no are great skills to have. When we stop long enough to listen to our own inner wisdom, the process of going through life is really very natural and peaceful. We are guided.

And, what about asking for help? If you do take on a project or a committee or something that takes you a little over the top, it’s a great time to learn to delegate. If you are a team mom or dad, split up the tasks and ask for assistance. It’s wonderful when the entire team gets to contribute and no one feels overburdened.

Fitting it all in is possible. Just know what you want to fit in. Don’t forget to make room on your plate for debriefing with your kids after school, helping with homework, and those kinds of tasks. They do take up time and energy, and you want to be “present” for your kids during those blocks of time. Balance your kid time, volunteer time, spouse time, work time, and very important – your “me” time. Assess your priorities, plop those on your plate, and fit in what other activities you would choose and that feel good to you.

Something I’ve learned along the way ….. if you do what brings you joy as often as possible (in work and play), you are much better at what you do. Joy makes such a huge difference. So, create your life. Create what you want as you adjust to school and sports activities. Create your relationships by being present with friends, family and your kids. This is how you create wonderful memories and how you tap into your intuition and inner guidance ~ valuable parts of you that make your life!

Welcome to Fall!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Fitting It All In Neighbors Newspaper, September 2006 Family Forum Column

Well, I don’t know about you, but I have been thoroughly enjoying summer vacation. No early mornings. No rushing off to bed. No homework. No packing lunches. Talk about vacation! I just love the freedom!!

In the days when I was in school, we started back to school in September. It seems like it was mid-September. Then, it was early September. Then, I remember it changed and my oldest son starting going back in late August. Now, we are going back almost mid-August. Hmmm. I guess that means we better enjoy every single minute while we can!!

Now that we’ve hit August, my oldest son is getting ready to start his senior year in high school, my youngest son is starting second grade, and my daughter (the baby) is starting kindergarten! Wow, how time flies!

Being the night owls that we are, the other night the kids and I walked out into the back yard (I won’t tell you how late it was!) and just marveled at the quiet of the world, the stars that we could see, and the bright full moon that lit everything up. It was so awesome to do that! Robert told me how much he loves being up late because of the quiet and the alone time. I must agree. We are definitely night owls. There are many morning birds in the world too. I just didn’t happen to give birth to any! (ha!)

As we head into school, fall and the changes of a new season, may we all take time to enjoy those last summer moments with our families, the longer days while we have them, smelling the fragrance of flowers and roses, and jumping in the pool “just one more time.”  

I hope your summer vacation has been filled with many wonderful memories of friendship, love and “too much fun!”

Have a great August!!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Fun Lovin’ Summer! Neighbors Newspaper, August 2006 Family Forum Column

When I first moved to Temecula, I was a single parent and that seemed quite rare. Now that I have been here for over two years, I am noticing that there are quite a few families struggling with separation, divorce and co-parenting. Since co-parenting after divorce is something I have done for 15 years, I thought I would share some insights. For those families not dealing with divorce, these tips may help you support your children when they have to deal with other difficult events in their lives.

One of the main struggles in co-parenting is communication. We have to take a relationship that doesn’t seem to work and somehow raise children together within that framework. I can tell you it’s easier said than done, but not impossible.

I have learned that the absolute most important thing is that your children feel loved and that their feelings be acknowledged and valued. If both parents can do this, and also refrain from talking negatively about each other, it is so much easier on the kids. When going through a divorce, sometimes it is difficult to put everything aside and think about what does my child need right now and how can I give that to him/her. If you can do that, though, you will be so ahead of the game. Remember that children have no control over divorce. They need support, empathy, compassion, love, a listening ear, and a relationship with both parents.

One way to support your children is to simply spend some extra quality time with them. Even 10 quality minutes after school or before bed makes such a huge difference. If both parents can make some extra time when they have the children, that would be awesome. It might be a little challenging to come up with that extra time, since each parent is now doing the work of two. However, being creative is so worth it!

Another idea is to have them draw. It is amazing when they have a blank piece of paper and all the colors of the rainbow, what will show up in their drawings. They express what’s going on inside of them on the paper. When they are done, take an interest in what they drew. See if they want to tell you about their story, their picture, maybe the colors they chose. Listen. It all tells the story of what is going on inside of them. You just may get an opportunity to heal some hurts and deepen your bond! Best of all, you have just given your child a huge and powerful gift – love and acceptance!    

Remember, when you think of the pain you are feeling, know that your children are experiencing that loss too. Be there for them. Love them. Communicate with them. This will make them feel loved and that everything will be okay.    

If you would like additional information on this subject, please feel free to e-mail me at tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Co-Parenting Neighbors Newspaper, July 2006 Family Forum Column

It’s time to celebrate our wonderful fathers! I thought it would be interesting to interview some children to find out what they say about dads. I interviewed a classroom of first graders and found out the following: their favorite activity to do with dad is “play.” According to these first graders, “play” shows up in many forms, such as playing games, riding motorcycles, coloring, baseball, fishing, hiking, golf, and football. It sounds like there are some very active dads out there! When asked what they love best about their dad, they commented that they love being loved by him, they love how funny he is, how much he helps them, takes them places, and spends time with them. This is quality stuff! When asked to finish the sentence, “My dad always …..”, their comments included “cares about me,” “helps me with my homework,” “gives me hugs,” “swims with me,” and “makes my lunch.” It was heartwarming to see not only how much time and attention dads get to spend with their kids, but also the impact that it has had on their children. It has not gone unnoticed! That’s what they love about dad, and that is what they will ultimately remember as they grow up.

Dads really are heroes. They protect us when we’re scared. They hug us when we cry. They keep us safe when we sleep at night. They make sure we have everything we need. And, they teach us the “tough” part of life, while still being able to snuggle, giggle, and love us “just because.” Dads are awesome!

It is so touching to see dads with their little ones, whether it’s playing ball, pushing them on the swing in the park, eating ice cream together, jogging with a jogger stroller, or holding their new baby in their arms. There is a tenderness that shines through when a man is with a child. And, when you find a man who is tender and loving and caring with your children, even when they are not his biological children, that is an awesome man and father too. (Thank you, Robin!) It’s the connection, the love, the giving, the protection, the sacrifice from deep within that constitutes being an awesome dad.

May all of you wonderful dads out there have the best Father’s Day. May you continue to touch the lives of your children with the love that they so deeply appreciate. Thank you for contributing your strength, your gentleness, your love, and your lessons to the lives of all of us.

Happy Father’s Day!

Traci Gaffney   800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Happy Father’s Day Neighbors Newspaper, June 2006 Family Forum Column

There’s something special about moms. And, it’s not just having a mom that’s special; BEING a mom is something special too. We have that special ability to nurture, love, kiss the owies away, and somehow make everything ~ and I mean everything ~ better. I don’t know what the magic is, but it is pure magic. Actually, yes I do know what it is. It’s love. Mothers are love. Now, if you’re reading this and you do not have a mother who exhibits that kind of love (and, unfortunately, this does happen), I have come across some very good news! …… There are lots of wonderful, loving moms in this world!

Having just lost my mom, I felt like I lost the only person who could ever love me like only your mom can. What I found out was that those of my family and friends who are also moms, have been able to do a pretty fantastic job of loving, nurturing, and caring about each other through this loss. It’s like being held in the arms of your mother through the experience of being loved by other moms. Nothing can ever replace the love of our own mother, but this has truly been magical. And knowing that I, a mom, provide that same love to my family and to others …… well, it’s just the most wonderful gift to give.

I am a member of MOMS Club Temecula – Vineyards. I must publicly say to my fellow moms in that chapter, Thank you for all of your support and for all of your love. This group of women has taken me under their wing. They have even gifted me with a beautiful angel that sits in my back yard in memory of my mom. She has a flower that lights up at night, so I can always see her. How sweet is that! (Thank you, Debra P!) We moms support each other and our families with such unconditional love ~ it’s really a beautiful thing to be a part of. [If you are not involved in a MOMS Club and would like to be, please feel free to e-mail me and I would be happy to help put you in touch with the appropriate chapter for your area (tracigaffney@alovingway.com).]  

So, for all of the moms that you know, all of the moms that love and support you, that nurture you in some way, that hug you or touch your arm, or simply listen while you cry, or even those moms that help you take care of your children in some way ….. they are an extension of the love of your own mother ~ whether she is still living or not. Love is the connection. Mothers are their own unique fold. It was in my mother’s nature to be generous, loving and caring. It is becoming my experience that that is a universal truth about “mothers.”

This month, I would like to say thank you to all of the moms in the world who touch the lives of their children, other people’s children, their husbands, their parents, grandkids, friends, and anyone else who needs a loving smile or hug. I honor you. I thank you for being a living and breathing continuation of my mom, and I thank you for everything that you do for everyone around you.  

Happy Mothers Day!Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

It’s Magical Neighbors Newspaper, May 2006 Family Forum Column

Welcome to the month of March! Spring is around the corner and some of our flowers have begun to bloom. How exciting is that!  

I decided to write this month’s article on the topic of pregnancy and babies, something else that is always in bloom. I am passionate about children, especially about meeting their emotional needs, and have been actively involved in this area for more than 17 years. I love to share what I have learned.  

Many families do not realize this, but babies are aware of their experience and what happens around them well beforebirth. More and more, studies are providing information that supports the fact that our babies need love, connection and a relationship during the pregnancy months. Currently, we make plans, paint rooms, buy furniture, and do all of the customary preparations for our new arrival. However, we often miss the opportunity of bonding with them for those nine or ten months prior to birth. With everything else we have to do, including caring for other children and our jobs, it might seem overwhelming to even think about having to “do” another thing!  

I have good news! It’s easy and it’s fun. And the value …. priceless!  Moms, dads and even siblings can all build a relationship early! When your little one arrives, you will just be EXPANDING your already developed relationship, as opposed to starting one from scratch. (Imagine how this changes the impact on your home in the first few months after birth.)

Now you may ask, “How do I bond with someone I can’t see, touch or hear?” This might seem especially difficult for dads and siblings who can’t really even feel the baby most of the time. Well, you can start with the pokey little feet. We’ve all seen those! The next time you see little feet pushing on mommy’s tummy, gently push back. The message, in many cases, is, “Hello! Can you play?” It’s quite cool when you realize that you are responding to each other. Talk about a happy baby!

You can also listen to soothing music at night when you go to bed. Spend this time thinking about your little one, sharing a feeling of calm and love. All of you will relax into a wonderful night sleep. You can also write letters or cards of love to your baby to inform them of special events (doctors visit, a painted room, siblings award, etc.) or just to say “I love you!” It’s about including the baby. The baby FEELS the shift in YOUR energy, and FEELS loved and safe.  

Siblings can draw pictures for the baby’s room or the baby book. And, be sure to allow them the opportunity to actually present the picture to their little brother or sister, as the baby will receive the energy and the feelings of love and excitement. The key is in the energy and feelings that are being conveyed. You would be AMAZED at what babies are able to FEEL in utero!  

Give it a try. Begin bonding with your new baby right now. It’s so worth it! You will enjoy this time so much more, and I GUARANTEE you that your little one will enjoy every single minute of your time and your love received in the womb. You will get that love back a million times over during your lifetime!

If you would like additional information or ideas, or if you are having a particularly difficult pregnancy, please feel free to contact me at tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

Here’s to healthy children and happy families.

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Spring is in the Air Neighbors Newspaper, March 2006 Family Forum Column

First, I’d like to start off by saying that the Gratitude Journal I wrote about last month is going quite well at our house. Unbeknownst to us, for Christmas, our first grader made a new 2006 calendar for our family. He did a fantastic job! As soon as I opened that gift, I looked at him and said, “This can be our Gratitude Journal! Is that okay with you?” He smiled warmly and said, “Sure!” And it has been a fun adventure ever since! What we did was paste a piece of colored construction paper on the back of the previous page (the cover, in this case), and wrote “January Gratitudes.” Every day we add to the list. I am amazed at how much fun this is for all of us, to actually write this list and be building something we can see. I would love to hear back from those of you who are creating your own family Gratitude Journals. What are you using? What has your experience been so far?

Okay, now back to Valentines Day …. I will just share two things that I’ve learned over the years. One is about men and one is about kids.

Men: it is my experience that men don’t want to guess what we want for Valentine’s Day. They also don’t like having to figure out “hints.” They want to make us happy. They do not want to get us the wrong thing. My suggestion, if this is true for the man in your life, is that you give him a list of various ideas that would make you happy for Valentine’s Day. Then, let him surprise you with one or more of those choices. Everyone wins, and it sure does alleviate a lot of pressure for the guys!    

As far as kids go, this is a great opportunity to love them too! What about creating a tradition of writing a “Valentine letter” to each of your kids (attaching a nice little candy treat is a fun touch), describing to them how much you love them, what they have contributed and brought into your lives by being here, and anything else that your heart feels in that moment when the pen and paper come together. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to write such a letter to your spouse, boyfriend, parents, or anyone else that you love as well. It’s amazing when we take a moment to actually hand write a letter, we suddenly become connected with our heart, feelings, and love. Depending on the age of the recipient, the letter can be read and cherished, as well as saved as a memory keepsake for a baby book or keepsake chest for years down the road. I find that writing to my children at any time is grounding, centering, and creates connection, peace and harmony at home.   If they are babies, you just save the letters for later. There will be a time in their lives when they are interested in looking through their baby box! What a great gift that will stand the test of time!  

Love is all there really is. All of us get away from that center now and again. Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity for remembering that love is not expensive, it is not hard, and there are no age limits. Love is real, it is deep, and it is priceless.

Here’s to celebrating a Valentine’s Day that warms your heart and makes you happy!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

The Month of Love Neighbors Newspaper, February 2006 Family Forum Column

Hello and Happy New Year! Can you believe we are already in 2006? I remember when I graduated from high school in the early 1980’s. My youngest sister had seven more years of school go to and I thought that was light years away!

As with any new year, we are embarking on fresh new adventures in business, family and fun! Along with those adventures come the dreaded old New Year’s Resolutions. It’s funny how people make their resolutions with such dread, almost as if they know they won’t be able to keep them. It was suggested on a personal development CD that I was listening to recently, that the only goal to set at the beginning of each year is to simply keep the commitments you make during the year. What a concept!

In our home, we spend a lot of time teaching our children how important their word is and how important it is to keep commitments and do what you say you’re going to do. Making this resolution something to be shared with our children (”practice makes permanent”) is a great idea! What better resolution than to keep your word and your commitments. What better way to develop a greater sense of empowerment and honesty in our children, as well as building character and self-confidence.

The other area that we are going to be focusing on as a family in the coming year is gratitude. Currently, we each share one thing that we are grateful for each night at dinner. Gratitude feels great! If you sit down for just three minutes and write down what you are grateful for, it becomes difficult to stop writing! We have trees, breezes, sunshine, friends, beautiful landscaping, husbands, wives, children, freedom, and the list goes on and on. In our family, we will be building a Family Gratitude Journal for 2006. Each of us will add something each day ““ it could be one thing or ten, it doesn’t matter ““ and we will watch our world with joy. I am excited to see what our Journal will look like on December 31, 2006!

Keeping your word and practicing the art of gratitude …… building a solid foundation for today’s youth and their future.

Whatever your resolutions are for 2006, may you find much joy and success in all of your endeavors!

To your prosperity, health and happiness!

Traci Gaffney

Resolutions Gratitude Neighbors Newspaper, January 2006 Family Forum Column

Hello and Happy Holidays! My name is Traci Gaffney. I am the mother of three children, and I am excited to have the privilege of writing The Family Forum column! Before I begin, I would like to wish Tara Rodi and her family well in their new adventures in Washington State, and thank her for sharing with us over the past two years.

With Christmas being just around the corner, I thought it would be appropriate and fun to share with you a simple, inexpensive, yet priceless Christmas gift that we have been giving to our children for the past ten years. You just might want to try this! It is called

You and Me Kid! cards. You and Me Kid! cards can be made out of old or new business cards, 3×5 cards, or any other card stock paper that you choose. They are labeled with the words “You and Me Kid!” and are decorated! They are designed so that kids can just pick up a card, hand it to their parent (or someone else), and have quality one-on-one time at their fingertips! It’s fun to decorate them with sparkles, glitter and markers! You can surprise your kids by making them yourself and putting them in their stockings, or you can make it a family art project. A fun thing to do with them also is to make January cards, February cards, March cards, etc. That way, your kids keep track of which month they are in so they can spend those mom or dad-time cards! It sure feels great when my kids hand me a card. It reminds me to slow down and spend some extra time with them. And, they feel good because it tells them they are important to me. We both win! It takes only a few minutes to fill up their love tanks and they are on their way again, ready to face another adventure. Now, if they happen to catch me at an inopportune time and I really can’t stop in the middle of what I’m doing, I let them know that I must complete this project, and they are next. I make a timed commitment to be with them and I make sure to keep it. (Your ability to do this successfully will depend on the age of your child.) As my oldest son has gotten older, I give him cards with specific activities. He might like to go to the movies, or have his favorite dinner made, or a variety of other things. I change the cards to meet the needs and age of each child. The key is the relationship. Kids want and need to feel loved. I have found quality time to be one of the most valuable ways to meet that need.

You and Me Kid! cards are an enjoyable family tradition in our home. If they make their way into your holiday plans this season, I certainly hope you enjoy making them and you enjoy the together time that is created through them.

May your family have a holiday season blessed with love, peace and quality time together!

Traci Gaffney

You and Me Kid Cards Neighbors Newspaper, December 2005 Family Forum Column