Amazing Pregnancy and Parenting

As a parent, we do the best job we can with the resources, knowledge and wisdom we possess. Something I have just recently been able to put into words, and thought I would pass along to each of you, is the fact that we need to experience the world through the eyes, ears and hearts of our children in order to be the most effective with them. When we meet them at their level, ask what is going on in their world, and simply ask what they need from us, the floodgates of heaven open.

If you can imagine for just a moment, being age five again … did you understand the world, life, “good and bad,” as you do now? Of course not. Sometimes we forget that our children have limited experiences to draw from, and that we must come to their world to interact and teach, as opposed to asking them to come to our world (perspective).

Every “misbehavior,” “trouble,” “disagreement,” and/or “acting out,” if you will, is nothing more than a child saying, “I’ve hit the boundary limits of my knowledge and skills. Please teach me more.” That’s all it is.

As we move into fall, and school commences once again, I would like to challenge each parent to think before judging, to feel before reacting, and to ask themselves, “Has my child reached the boundary limit of their knowledge and skill sets? Is this simply another opportunity for me to teach?” Kids are curious and adventurous beings. And … they are learning. We must remember both.

Let’s concentrate on the love and connection that every human being wants, and show our children acceptance. And, let’s see parenting as the teaching role that it is. We are blessed to have been given a student to mentor. Let’s guide our children up the mountain of life, enjoying the view all the while. The skills we teach them now will help them in friendships, marriage, business adventures, and their relationships with themselves.

What a great gift to give our children ~ experiencing the world through their eyes, ears and heart ~ teaching and guiding them in their journey. That’s really what being a parent is, isn’t it?

Have a beautiful month of August. Enjoy the sunshine and the love!

Traci Gaffney has three children, is a parenting coach, speaker and author, and is the Founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com).

I love summer! The sense of relaxation and free flowing days ~ pools, the beach, boats, bikes ~ lots of play! As I watch kids getting anxious for school to get out, I reflect back on those last days of school when I was a kid. Those were such exciting times for all of us, weren’t they?

I thought it might be fun to revisit that experience, almost going back in time, by getting excited with our kids and really connecting with their joy and excitement. Summer is a well-earned vacation for them. They have worked very hard for many months.

This month, I applaud all of our children for the time and work they put into their learning. Job well done!

A special Congratulations to my son, Anthony, who is graduating from high school. “Way to go, Anthony! I am so proud of you.”

Happy Father’s Day to all of our wonderful heroes in life!

Enjoy all of the celebrations this month. It’s an excellent time to appreciate being with those you love. No one knows what life will bring tomorrow. Enjoy today. Be present. Feel the gratitude.

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three and the founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com). She can be reached at  800-647-1171  or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

“The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood”   - notes from the talk of Dr. Jim Sears in Temecula, California on 4/26/07.  

You can find healthy recipes at www.askdrsears.com.

In tackling childhood, obesity needs to be the #1 priority.

1 in 3 people hearing this talk will get cancer.

Eating fruit cuts the cancer risk in half.

Obesity is epidemic.

 David Katz, M.D. said, “This generation of children will be the first to have a shorter life span than their parents.”  

SAD (Standard American Diet) causes CAD (coronary artery disease).

Eat healthy foods: train the taste buds starting at 6 months old.

 In Ireland, Sweden, and other countries, marketing to children is banned. The US spends $15 billion marketing to kids.

New York Times, 1/12/05

“If you don’t buy it, they can’t eat it.”

 Terrible 3’s:

• High fructose corn syrup
• Hydrogenated
• Colors and numbers

McDonalds Combo #1 = 1470 calories and 68 grams of fat

Perfect snack food: cut strawberries and blueberries  

Your brain uses 25% of your food energy.

Your brain is the organ that is most affected by nutrition.

Leave a bowl of nuts out. They will disappear. J

Kids need one hour of exercise/activity every day. Before school can make a huge difference at school.

Sugar suppresses the immune system for SIX hours after eating.

• Sugar is fuel for cancer cells.
• A strong immune system will fight cancer cells at the very beginning.

Large bottles of soda = “diabetes in a bottle”

Pop Tarts: 36 grams of sugar

Eat cereal with fruit vs. with sugar

Saying, “That’s all she’ll eat” is a cycle. They will eat what you buy.

Yogurt: Look at the label and watch for sugar content.

Kids need Omega 3 oils and less sugar, not Ridlin.

Brainy Breakfast

• High protein
• Moderate complex carbs
• Smart fats

(eggs, toast, OJ and peanut butter + banana)

Smoothie

1 cup milk (soy, organic cow or other type of milk)

1 dallop of yogurt (for creamy texture)

1 tbs Omega 3 oil

1 scoop Juice Plus Complete

1 banana and some berries

2 tsp cinnamon (helps prevent insulin overload)

Call good for you foods: “pretty hair foods” and “fast running foods.”

Fruits and vegetables are KEY.

Just about any chronic illness can be prevented or affected by eating more fruits and veggies.

Iceberg lettuce: nothing in there

Dark lettuce: very dark, lots of nutrition

Bread: white is light; wheat is heavy. There is no value in white and much value in wheat.

Peanut butter should have only two ingredients: peanuts and salt – nothing else.

Use fruit spreads vs. jelly

Cereals should contain 6 grams or less of sugar, or don’t eat them.

TOP FOODS:
avocado

Blueberries

Eggs

Fish

Flaxseed

Kidney beans

Lentils

Oatmeal

Spinach

Tofu

Tomatoes

Yogurt

Almonds

Artichokes

Broccoli

Olive oil

Oranges

Papaya

Peanut butter

Pink grapefruit

Soy nuts

Sunflower seeds

Sweet potatoes

Turkey

 (Visit  http://alovingway.com/nutrition.htm  for more information on nutrition, or contact Traci Gaffney at 1-800-647-1171.)

The most significant thing for a parent to contribute to anyone, is their own Connection and their own stability. An effective parent is a happy parent. An effective parent is a parent who laughs easily and often, and who doesn’t take things so seriously. (Abraham-Hicks Publications)

For those of you familiar with the Law of Attraction, this is an excellent way to create more peace and harmony at home, laughing and finding the happiness in your life. Not only does this model to our children what is really important in life, it actually creates more of that happiness and peace! This is excellent during pregnancy and at any phase of parenting.   Have a great day!

Temecula, California:

        Tuesday, April 10th at 1:00 am

San Diego, California:

        Wednesday, April 11th at 6:30 pm (Rancho San Diego area)

        Saturday, April 21st  at 11:00 am (Rancho San Diego area)

For more information, please call/e-mail Traci @ 800-647-1171; tracigaffney@alovingway.com)

For those of you who live in or near the Temecula area, we will be having our monthly meditation hour on Saturday, April 28th, from 3:00 to 4:30 p.m. Please contact Traci at 800-647-1171 or tracigaffney@alovingway.com for location and details.

The month of March has always been special for me, as this is my birthday month! As some of you may recall, however, last year in this beautiful month of March, my mother passed away. Yes, it has already been a year; how fast time goes by.  In considering what I might choose to write about this month, the topic of Celebration came to me. In the context of my birthday, that topic is obvious. However, making that work in light of it also being the anniversary of my mom’s passing, that made me unsure.  I realized why the word Celebration came to me, though. It is because I celebrated and enjoyed my mom while she was here. I didn’t miss “the moment.” I wasn’t too busy. And that is a saving grace for me. It was a gift from heaven to be sure. It just happened for us that we made it a priority to spend time together. Every month we put a weekend aside and would enjoy a sleepover, fun little shopping sprees, dinner out, watching an old movie, playing cards, looking at old photo albums. Sometimes I would bring my kids, one at a time, for quality grandma and mom time. Were those special moments! I shared every little thing that happened in my life with joy and excitement. My mom was my absolute best cheerleader! She was able to be my cheerleader because I took the time to share with her, to be with her, and to have fun with her. We lived an hour and a half away from each other, and we made that work beautifully.  Who would you like to be a cheerleader for? Who is your cheerleader in life? Celebrate with them. Celebrate for the mere fact that you can! What kind of relationship do you have with your parents, your kids, your siblings, your best friend, your partner? How much would you miss them if they were gone tomorrow, next week or next year? What is it you would miss? Well, guess what? You have THAT today! Celebrate it! Embrace them! Enjoy every moment. You don’t have to get together every week to do that. Feel gratitude for what you have in front of you right now. Savor the moments. Nurture the relationships. What a gift! There is no need for regrets.  In the hustle and bustle of life, no matter who we are or what we do, we all get busy. There is “soccer season,” “holiday season,” “summer season,” and every other season under the sun, all of which bring us busy-ness. And yet, where is the “celebration” in all of this? Even the holidays are not a season of celebration for many people any more.  I believe that our biggest regrets tend to be those things in life that we did not do. So celebrate! Laugh. Love. Live. Make a list of those people who are near and dear to your heart, and call them right now. Set a date on the calendar so you can have moments of wonder, delight and joy. Those moments turn into hours, months and years, and those are the memories that live on forever.    

There is so much to be said about investing in the heart and celebrating life. Find out what that is for you, and create a life of celebrations for you and your family.

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Celebrate  Neighbors Newspaper,  March 2007 Family Forum Column

Happy New Year! Can you believe we are in 2007?! Wow!

Since we are coming off of a two-week break from school, and since kids can tend to squabble a little during breaks, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to talk about sibling rivalry.

When kids are fighting, arguing and just simply not getting along, it creates a rough time for all. Generally, we usually tell them to “get along or don’t play together.” Sound familiar?

Here is some food for thought …

• What if sibling rivalry was nothing more than an opportunity to learn?
• What if arguing with our siblings was “practice?”
• What if mom and/or dad (or grandma or another caretaker) could utilize those opportunities to teach communication skills?

As children grow up, they realize more and more how different they are from other people. This is actually a good thing ~ having their own identity. When children are very young and realize it for the first time, they get really excited about this. It’s actually fun to watch this discovery phase in their life.

When kids are fighting over things, many times it’s just their lack of really getting that the world doesn’t revolve around them and there are other people who have needs and wants too. They don’t fight to get on our nerves. They don’t fight to be mean. The problem is that they simply haven’t developed the skill set for creating win/win situations yet. They think in terms of win/lose. That’s where the “opportunity” shows up. We get to teach these communication skills to our children!

The next time your kids are fighting about something, sit down (at eye level) with them. Let them know you are there to help them resolve this challenge. Give each of them an opportunity to share their side of the story. What is their truth? Once you have heard both sides, point out that there is no right or wrong; there are just differences. Explain that the key is “HOW do we make it a win/win?” Be creative. Teaching kids the “how to” about communication in childhood allows them to tap into their empathy, compassion, forgiveness, love, giving, and receiving ~ EARLY in their lives. There are so many benefits to gently walking children through this process of communication.

When you stop for a minute, regroup, and sit down to listen to your kids and support them in growing through this process, you will be AMAZED at what you see. I have done this with my own children for years and have found that it is truly a gift for them to learn these skills. It is also a gift for US to watch this miracle occur, of empowering children in this way!

May you have much fun with your children in this New Year!  

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Sibling Rivalry Neighbors Newspaper, January 2007 Family Forum Column

My absolute favorite holiday is Christmas! Growing up, we did not celebrate Christmas, and I realize that has given me a huge gift! The gift is this: as I began in my adult years to celebrate this holiday, and had such a wonderful, joyful experience of doing so, I noticed that a lot of adults were not having as much fun! It seemed as though the hustle and bustle, figuring out gifts, getting trees, hanging lights, all created a “chore” out of Christmas. It became stressful and the fun disappeared.

What was different for me was that I was experiencing Christmas from a child’s perspective. It was new for me. It was something I had dreamed of, and wanted when I was a child, but couldn’t have. Now I had it! The lights, the excitement, the colors ~ it was magical! To have that experience as an adult, to be so innocent and excited ~ that was so much fun!!

When we grow up, maybe we get “real” about Christmas and that’s where it loses its magic. It becomes a chore, another thing to do, rather than an experience to be had. I remember the year when it started feeling burdensome to me. I asked myself, “Why am I not having as much fun this year?” I realized it was because it was not so “new” and it was becoming “work” rather than “play.” I made a conscious choice not to let that happen! There is no reason to lose the fun and excitement of Christmas! It simply doesn’t have to be that way.

I would like to offer you a gift. If you can, sit down when you are done reading this article, and close your eyes. Remember back to one of your favorite and most fun memories of Christmas as a child. Get in touch with the feelings of excitement, fun and absolutely uncontainable joy. Just feel what that feels like. Breathe. If you haven’t hung your lights, put up your tree, or shopped, or whatever else you think you “need” to do, see how you can do that from your child perspective, the place of fun, excitement and joy. Can you do it with your kids? Can you get excited about surprising someone with a special gift? What about making gifts this year? What can you do to recreate the magic for yourself? Ask your kids what makes Christmas magical for them. What makes Christmas magical for you? Make a point to include at least some of that in your holiday this year!

This is the end of the year. We have been working, building and creating for 11 months. Now that we have some time off from school, and hopefully some time off from work, let’s take a moment to touch the magic of the lights, the spirit of giving, and the attitude of gratitude that we have this time to be together. Are there people in your life that were here last year and are now gone (moved, passed away, or your relationship simply changed)? Thank them in your heart for their contribution to your life. Wish them well. Breathe. Absorb the moments that are ending this year, and setting the foundation for next year. Enjoy your kids. Savor the moments. This is the only year Christmas will be experienced this way, at these ages, with these experiences. Every year will be new and different. Will you teach your children to savor these magical moments, or will they grow to resent the work that it takes to create them? Just a thought.

Love is all that is real. Regardless of our differences in religion and/or ways of life, love is something that is consistent and real. Make that, and gratitude, your focus, and your life will absolutely be beautiful.

Merry Christmas! May Santa bring you many hugs and much love this season!

 Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

Ahhh, It’s Christmas! Neighbors Newspaper, December 2006 Family Forum Column

In January of this year, I wrote about gratitude and keeping a journal, as a family, of the things that we are thankful for each month of the year. When my mother passed away in March, I must say that my train went off the tracks and my gratitude journal each month has not been as consistent as I had originally anticipated. As I am contemplating the month of November, the month of Thanksgiving, I thought it would be a great time to rekindle the attitude of gratitude in our family. So, this month, I would like to encourage families to keep a piece of paper (colored construction paper works best for us) on or near the table where your family eats their meals, and to spend a few minutes over dinner (or breakfast) writing down the things that each of you has in your life that you feel grateful for. In our house, sometimes it’s the hamsters or the trampoline, a favorite dinner, a friend at school, a new toy, a day off from school, even the wind, the sound of the leaves in the trees, a beautiful colorful backyard, peace and quiet, time together, a warm blanket, and the list goes on and on. I am amazed when my kids appreciate nature and those simple things in life that can so easily go unnoticed. The sound that leaves make when blowing in the wind ~ that came from my kids!

Gratitude is a VERY powerful tool in life. It is easy, and yet it is just as easy to forget. If you can create a means by which to include it in every day, the sky is the limit in what you can create! I hear stories about gratitude and the benefits of feeling and expressing it every single day. Even just the feeling in your heart, in your whole body, when you share these things with your family ~ it’s like communion with God. I don’t think there are many things more beautiful than sharing love and gratitude with others, and especially your children.

So, that would be my thoughts for the month of November. See how many things in your life you are grateful for. My kids have gotten to the point where they go on and on and on, they are so excited to fill the sheet! They are getting such an education in the little things in life, which are some of the most impactful and important things at the end of the day.

May your Thanksgiving be filled with gratitude and love, warmth and family, blessings and peace. I look forward to experiencing the warm glow as our world is brightened by all of the gratitude that we will be sharing this holiday season!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com

A Month of Giving Thanks Neighbors Newspaper, November 2006 Family Forum Column