Amazing Pregnancy and Parenting

If all we did today, was feel gratitude and peace within us, we would impact the lives of many children through our energy and love. (Traci Gaffney, 800-647-1171, www.alovingway.com)

Kids grow up fast. We think we have 18 years with our kids at home, and we tend to spread our love, energy and time accordingly. However … have you ever noticed that kids start getting a life of their own much sooner than 18 years old? They start wanting to be with their friends and doing their own thing starting years earlier. We don’t really have 18 years with our kids before they move on; we have more like 12.

So, what I would like to share with you today is the value of embracing every stage in the relationship you have with each of your children. If you are at the stage of sleepless nights and changing diapers, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There will be a time in your life when you will actually get some sleep and not be changing diapers any more. If you spend this time wanting that to come faster, you will actually miss this part of the journey. This is a time when asking for support from friends and family is essential, so you can be fully present for your little one.

For those of you who have an active toddler who runs and talks and asks questions and bubbles over with excitement constantly … rejoice! Yes, it can be tiring, and yes it can seem like forever. However … one day that will be gone too, and the innocence and childlike wonder that you see in your child during these years … that will change. Savor it. Find a way to get your tank filled in other ways, so that you can be there to truly enjoy being present as your child explores his/her world in this way.

If you are a parent who is already experiencing a child who prefers time with friends, simply accept that this is where you are in your journey together, and embrace those pockets of time when your child does still want to be with you. They are finding their individuality. It’s not personal. You can support their growth and individuality, while still being close. It is important that you stay very present to your child at this age. You will need to create guidelines and be the “parent,” while still giving them room to spread their wings. It can be a tricky dance. Awareness and being a conscious parent will make all the difference in the world.

If your child has already reached the point where they are off doing their own thing, and you think you missed something in the previous years … stop where you are and breathe. Ask yourself, “How can I be present NOW?”

The whole point of this article is to share that no matter where you are in the journey of raising your children, you always have now, and you always will. Start as early as possible to connect, to appreciate, and to enjoy the blessings and the gifts of each age ~ no matter how challenging that particular age is. Each stage comes with gifts. And, know that it is never too late to connect with your child ~ never.

My oldest son is 20 years old this month … Happy Birthday Anthony! He started breaking away at 12 years old, and at 14 he was fully in gear for separation from mom. I held tightly when needed, and let go when appropriate. There have been times when I missed my “little guy,” and there were times when I was filled with joy that my son was growing into a man. It’s all good. It’s about being human. This is what being a parent is all about.

The good news … at age 20, who do you think Anthony calls when his prized Bearded Dragon has a baby? Mom! Yippee! Oh, the joys of motherhood.

We are here to love our children, to nurture them, walk with them, let them go, and be there at every turn of their journey in life. Sometimes they will need us more than others. The best thing to do in order to savor the journey, and also to create a lasting, deep relationship, is to be present every day, every week, every month. We never stop being a mom/dad. We never stop being the hub that they can call home. We never leave their heart, and they never leave ours.

What can you do today to appreciate your child in their beauty and their challenge? Ask yourself that question every day, and before you know it, when your child is grown (and it comes very quickly), you will realize that you were there for every step of the way, and didn’t miss a thing! Congratulations! This is true parenthood.

Traci Gaffney is an expert on parenting and pregnancy. To sign up for her free parenting newsletter, go to www.alovingway.com. You can contact Traci directly at tracigaffney@alovingway.com or 800-647-1171.

March 2009 Newsletter

This month’s article is entitled “A Great Parent is a Great Listener.” I hope you enjoy it! http://www.alovingway.com/articles/parent_great_listener.htm

March is a special month for me because it is my birthday month! Yippee!!

Three years ago, five days before my birthday, I lost a very dear person in my life … my mother. She died suddenly and I was devastated. I’ve never felt so lost in all my life. It felt as though the umbilical cord of life’s energy had been cut, and I felt every single thing.

My mom had the most beautiful heart and was a wonderful mom and grandma. When March 3rd rolls around each year, my kids and I take some time to talk about “Grandma Pat” and what we miss, what we enjoyed, and how important love and togetherness are.

I was fortunate enough to have the foresight to spend quality time with my mom at every opportunity, because I knew she would one day be gone. Somehow I was gifted with not taking her life for granted. I am so thankful for that gift in my life. We had many cherished moments before she died.

Each of us will eventually be that mom or dad who is leaving our child(ren) behind ~ whether our children are grown or still young.

I suggest asking yourself the following questions, and making whatever adjustments you feel are appropriate …

If I died today, what would I wish I had done with my kids?

What would I wish I had said?

What would I wish I had written for them?

Do they know ~ do they actually HEAR it from me, and EXPERIENCE it from me ~ how much I love them? (In their language of love?)

Do I take time to understand who they are?

Find your curiosity. Learn about this person who has been gifted to you in your parenting life. There is a reason each of your children is in your life. There is a reason you are in theirs.

Take the time today to love them ~ in their way.

Some day they will have to say goodbye to you. Give them the gift of no regrets.

Spend time walking, talking and connecting.

Show them who YOU are so they can share stories about you with their children and grandchildren.

Leave a legacy of love and connection, openness and authenticity, and teach your children how to do the same.

Our children need us to be present for them while we are alive. They need us to connect, to share, to guide, and to listen.

May many blessings be showered upon you and your family.

Namaste’

Traci

Traci Gaffney is a Parenting and Pregnancy Coach, Speaker and Author. She can reached at 800-647-1171 or tracigaffney@alovingway.com. Visit www.alovingway.com today!

Amazing Parenting: I am re-reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Awesome book! I just had to share this piece: “I treat people I love with love because this may be the last day that I can tell you how much I love you. I don’t know if I’m going to see you again, so I don’t want to fight with you.” (page 119)

IF the interaction I am having with my child (and the one you are having with yours) WAS the LAST interaction we’d have with them, how would we be? We can apply this to cleaning bedrooms, doing homework, helping in the kitchen, watching a movie, or simply listening to them share the happenings of their day. It sure makes me get more PRESENT with NOW.

Happy Holidays!

Traci L Gaffney
A Loving Way
A Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents
800-647-1171
www.alovingway.com

Yesterday it dawned on me how quickly Christmas is sneaking up. Not wanting to be behind the eight ball and stressing about the last minute details, I made a note to myself (a fairly LARGE note) that read, “Christmas gifts Thursday and Friday.” So, when I picked my kids up from their Montessori program yesterday, we went straight to our journey of Christmas shopping. What fun we had! The kids make ornaments for family and friends every year. So, we bought plenty of paint, glue and everything we would need, so we can dive in and begin creating. Once our shopping was done, we decided to go on a Christmas light tour. What a beautiful Christmas evening we had! It was filled with the excitement of the holidays. We didn’t have to spend a lot of money. We thought about others and each other. And we saw beautiful, beautiful light displays. I recommend thinking of things your kids can make for gifts, go buy the supplies, find some lit up neighborhoods, and really enjoy the holidays! Those are the memories that will last a lifetime.

Traci Gaffney
A Loving Way ~ A Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents
www.alovingway.com
800-647-1171

Amazing parenting during Christmas! When my oldest son Anthony, now 19 years old, was in elementary school, there was a beautiful idea in the newsletter just before Christmas. It was an idea the principal was sharing, and I took it and ran with it. I would love to share that idea with you today.

The idea is “You and Me Kid” cards. Over the years, the process has evolved in our family. This is what I do. I take blank business cards (you can get them at any office supply store) and I print on one side, “You and Me Kid.” I use a nice big font, usually in color, so it is attractive and easy to read.

Then, on the back of each card, I handwrite my gift. The best part is that the gifts are things like hugs, kisses, movie night with mom, favorite dinner, etc. Whatever they enjoy, would like to do with you, and creates connection and quality time moments … those are great gifts to write on the back of these cards. Then you can decorate each card with stickers, dots, colorful drawings, etc.

Take note, though, that there are some ground rules, and age does matter. You will want to communicate with your child and know in advance what your “agreements” are around redeeming the cards. Some children will expect that as soon as they present their card, you will drop everything to be with them. That may work some of the time; yet, not all of the time. If you are working or doing something else that requires your attention, you may need to schedule an “appointment” with your child (again, keep age in mind). Have a conversation and make a deal ahead of time, so there is less chance of disappointment. Let your child know that there will be times when you can be with them right in that moment, and there will also be times when you will need to complete something first. Both are okay. The KEY is that you honor your gift, and you show up when you say you will. (Very important.) Parents get busy, and kids LOVE quality time. If you schedule a time to connect in an hour, be sure to show up in an hour. If it’s a certain time you have scheduled, make sure you show up at that time. Let them know they are important.

The GIFT in these cards … they give your child an opportunity to ask for quality time with you and they give you an opportunity to spend that time with your child. It doesn’t require you to “entertain” your child or “guess” when your child needs you, or put guilt on you that you are not spending enough time with them. It gives them a voice that when their tank is feeling a little empty, they have something they can give you that doesn’t even require words, that will say, “I want to be with you.” Listen to that and honor it. It will create trust, connection and a closeness that cannot be replaced by anything else. My oldest son loved these when he was growing up. I still put them in his stocking.

Thinking of things that your child would enjoy doing with you, and offering them on this special card is like wrapping yourself up with a bow, and saying, “Merry Christmas. I love you.” You are giving YOU, which is the best gift they could ever receive for Christmas or any other day of the year. This is a gift that builds lasting memories and connection. This is amazing parenting.

May you experience much joy, love, and togetherness this holiday season, and connect in ways that are deeply felt by the heart.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

For more information on amazing parenting and pregnancy, visit www.alovingway.com or contact Traci directly at 800-647-1171 or tracigaffney@alovingway.com. Traci Gaffney is a Parenting/Pregnancy Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Author.

Our next Peaceful Bellies six week series of calls will be starting on February 5, 2008 at 5:30 pm (PST). For more information and to register, go to http://www.alovingway.com/peacefulbelliespregnancy.htm.

Moms are busy people! We know that. This is a powerful SIMPLE program designed to take you inside with yourself AND your baby for 30 minutes a week. You will feel more connected and more in tune with what is happening than you could imagine. You will find yourself feeling more confident, peaceful and grounded.

Come join us! And, tell your friends!

A Loving Way, www.alovingway.com, 800-647-1171, info@alovingway.com.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” W.C. Fields

We have all heard this quote before. Last year I was in a personal growth course where they said, “Ask six times.” It made me think of this quote, and also caused me to wonder why most people do not ask several times, and why we train our children to stop asking.Think about it for a moment … when your kids ask for something, how many times do you “allow” them to ask before getting upset and annoyed? Is it once, twice, three times? Could it be SIX times? Probably not. We actually teach our children NOT to ask, not to persist, not to persevere to get what they want. I’m not talking about being harassing or making demands. I’m talking about healthy requests, asking for what they want. If you think about it, this is exactly what happened to us. We were told to stop asking.Keeping that in mind, I would ask you to consider to yourself, “How has that served me?” Do you go for a job interview and take the first “no” and stop there? Do you ask your friends or family for what you need and stop asking if you don’t get it the first time? Do you call on an ad to buy something, and if they don’t answer or call you back, do you drop it?Sometimes people get busy. Sometimes people are in a mood. Sometimes the timing is bad. Sometimes there is no reason at all that we get the response (or no response) that we get. If we stop asking, then we give up; we move on. What if we persevered and continued asking for what we want? What if we had that mentality, the thought that it IS okay to keep asking? If you don’t get the job you want, ask again! If you don’t get the return call you’re looking for, call again! Call six times. Ask six times. Be authentic. Be true to you. Be respectful. Keep asking!This is something that we undo in our children. We teach them NOT to ask more than once. “No means no.” Well, sometimes that is true. What if, however, instead of condemning them for asking again, we actually praised them for their persistence and applaud them for their focus, drive, enthusiasm, creativity, flexibility, and passion! In life, we DO need to ask for what we want. And, sometimes we have to ask many times in order to get it. That is SO okay!So, this month, and for the year ahead, let’s make a new rule … asking is a great thing. Smile at your kids, applaud them for their passion and persistence, and still answer with whatever the answer is. No pressure. No anger. Just acceptance of what is. You don’t have to change. And … you may change. The day may bring new information. You never know. Sometimes we can’t give something today, but in two days we would be happy to give that. What if they NEVER asked again? They would learn that they must give up on their dreams, their goals, their passions. We do not want to create that for them. Have you given up on your dreams, goals and passions?So, smile and be GRATEFUL that your children have the spunk to ask, ask, and ask again. They are learning to be creative, persistent, focused, and they are learning that it is absolutely okay to dream AND okay to not get everything right now. There are many wonderful lessons to learn in this experience.I challenge YOU to begin ASKING SIX TIMES for the things YOU want. Reignite your dreams, your visions, your passions. ASK AGAIN! Doors are opening all the time!

Remember … “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.” Vince Lombardi

Traci Gaffney has three children, is a parenting coach, speaker and author, and is the Founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com). She can be reached at 800-647-1171or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

There is no job quite like that of being a mother. I remember when I brought my first son home from the hospital, being in somewhat of a state of shock that they actually let me go home without a nurse! I wondered what made me automatically able to care for a brand new baby 7/24. How could they just assume I would be good at this new job? Well, 19 years later, with my oldest son now in his first year of college, I have found that instinct and intuition come in very handy!

There are so many opportunities to celebrate motherhood:

• At the point when we find out we are pregnant, it’s a time to celebrate that we have been chosen by another soul as a guide in their journey of life. What an awesome honor that is!

• When we give birth … wow! If you have an opportunity to give birth without an epidural, and REALLY connect with your body, your instinct, AND your baby ~ creating partnership and cooperation ~ that is the most empowering and exhilarating experience I have ever had!

• Breastfeeding … the pain I felt for the first two weeks (with each of my babies), and thinking it would never end, and then like magic, it disappeared and we shared bliss for two to three years each! Breastfeeding is one of the most joyous and deepening experiences there are. To stop everything in your life and only focus on nurturing and loving this beautiful innocent being right there in front of you … what a gift for both mommy and baby!

• As our children go through their milestones, their heartaches, their victories, we celebrate, we cry, we love, and we support. There is nothing like being a mother. There is nothing like the connection and the bond that come with this job. There is nothing like knowing in your deepest core of who you are, that you would do anything for this human being, and there is nothing that could stop you from that drive. There is a love, a commitment, an adoration, and a joy that cannot be expressed except through experience.

For those of you who are embarking on motherhood for the first time, or if you already are fully engaged in raising children, every moment is a wonderful time to celebrate! These beautiful, precious children are here for such a short time under our wings, and then they must fly. May we celebrate motherhood, and teach our children to celebrate life, love and laughter. Let’s raise the vibration of this planet by starting with our children, by starting with our core.

May you find joy in every experience of your journey and the journey of your children. May the tears only serve to bring you deeper and closer to the core of who you are, who your children are, and to the essence of the very Source of Life. May you feel the love of all mothers. May you enjoy the blessings of connection and contribution. Celebrate motherhood at every possible moment, for we never know what tomorrow may bring.

In Love and Gratitude for this Awesome Gift!

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three children, and the Founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents (www.alovingway.com). She is a Parenting and  Life Coach, Speaker and Author, with an extensive background in energy healing.   She can be reached at  800-647-1171  or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.

With school back in session, and some kids going for the first time (whether kindergarten or pre-school), some families may be dealing with the issue of separation anxiety. If that is you, or if you have ever before experienced this with your child, I would love to share some food for thought.

Many times, when our children are faced with separation anxiety, we are told that the best thing to do is leave, and they will settle down and be fine. And, in most cases, that does appear to happen. However, what we are not addressing, and are unable to physically see, is the emotional impact these events have on a child.

When kids are going through separation anxiety, it is very real for them. They need reassurance, trust, care, and some time for transition. While we know they are safe and well taken care of where we are leaving them, they do not. They want mom or dad. There is nothing wrong with that. It is not a power struggle. It is not about control. It is about fear, insecurity, and loss of connection with the most important person in their life. These are valid concerns that need to be acknowledged and addressed with love.

Here are a few suggestions that might be helpful …  

• The night before school, talk with your child about what it is like to go to school and to be away from mommy and daddy. What are their fears? What are their joys? Talk about it, and reassure them. Most of all, listen and validate them. Their fears are real. They just need to work through them.
• Make arrangements with your work to allow some flexibility in the morning for dropping off your little ones with care (spending extra time, if necessary).
• Schedule your morning free of appointments so that you have the flexibility to ease your child into his day. Be willing to stay long enough to allow for the transition. (You will know when that is by staying connected to your feelings, and not being stressed about having to move on to another appointment. This temporary accommodation will pay off later.)
• Get excited about the classroom and let them show you their books, friends, etc. They want to find a way to incorporate you into their new space.
• Give your child something to remember you by for the day, and let them give you something as well, for you to remember them for the day.

We want our kids to know that we are there for them. Change can be hard. Separation can be difficult. It is for us too. So, let’s be with our children, as they go through these events in their lives. Let’s show them that we are sensitive to their deepest feelings and needs, that we won’t abandon them, they can trust us, and we love them. Yes, this may mean a few long good-bye’s and some patience on behalf of a few adults. Let’s tend to the emotional needs of our children, and nurture their little hearts through the growing pains. In the end, you will find fewer power struggles, better communication, and a higher level of mutual respect. Your child is not trying to control you. They just want to feel safe and close to you. Take a few minutes to see what you can do to create an easier transition. In the process of exploring this ~ with the help of your child ~ you will create an even deeper and more loving relationship that will last far beyond a few days of extra hugs and longer good-bye’s.

And, remember, YOU are the expert when it comes to your child. Listen to your heart. (Traci Gaffney, www.alovingway.com,    1-800-647-1171.)