A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes a Difference!

When my kids started asking me this question, I was in a real quandary. I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas, so I had no idea how to handle this question. After all, I had never asked it.

I knew children who had believed in Santa, and then the shocking news showed up one year when their parents informed them that he was not real. Their parents were afraid the kids would be made fun of at school, if they still believed in Santa.

I also knew children who were told that Santa was real by their parents for the longest time, and one day their friends told them he wasn’t. The kids actually wondered why their parents would tell them he was real, when he wasn’t. They believed their friends.

Personally, I wanted to do it another way. I wanted to preserve the innocence and imagination of my children. At the same time, I wanted to continue building trust and truth within our relationship.

What I chose to do was very simple. Here are some tips that might be useful:

1. Ask your children what they think about Santa being real or not (only if they are asking you this question ~ do not rush it). Where are they coming from? That would be helpful to know. Sometimes it just pops into their head, and other times it is spurred on by friends. It would be good to know why they are asking.

2. Share stories from your childhood that would speak to this subject. Since I didn’t celebrate Christmas as a child, I shared that I hadn’t been taught that Santa was real, and why. I shared what I saw in my friends’ experiences of being told that he was real when they were young, and that he wasn’t real when they were older. And then I shared where I was right then. They loved hearing the stories.

3. Share with your children that everyone has a different belief and experience of Santa. There are numerous perspectives. Let them know that they get to choose what they want to believe, and they can change it any time they wish. This way you are not misleading them, and you are not bursting their bubble.

4. Then, allow them to explore (if and when they choose) the various stories and beliefs related to Santa. If each parent shares their story, that’s two perspectives. What about grandma and grandpa? Cartoons have a perspective. Friends have perspectives. Let them explore and figure it out for themselves. They’ll do a little exploring and then get bored. That’s okay. They’ll ask again.

5. Avoid giving them a “yes” or “no” answer. Is there really such an answer? Are we talking about Santa literally? Figuratively? Let them discover what Christmas and Santa means to them as an individual. And know that this will be an ongoing conversation for years. I just meet my kids where they are each year, and we all compare notes. They get lots of new perspectives as they mature, and it creates a lot of freedom, trust and inner connection.

You see, this is part of the Magic of Christmas. And this is part of the guidance that parents provide. We give our children many perspectives in life, and let them choose what fits for them. This breeds confidence, self-esteem and acceptance of individuality.

I waited over 20 years to have the magical experience of Christmas. I choose to share that magic with my children, and to allow them to create whatever they want to create around Christmas for themselves. We are practical and simple, and we share abundance of love. What is the Magic of Christmas in your family?

Wishing you and your family a most joyous Holiday Season!

[Traci Carman is an expert on parenting. To sign up for her free parenting newsletter, go to www.alovingway.com. A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes A Difference]

Lately, we’ve been having what I call “Groundhog Day mornings.” Do you remember the movie “Groundhog Day”? Well, our mornings are not working, and yet we keep doing the same thing. Ever been there? It’s almost like watching yourself and your family, and thinking, “Hmmm … this isn’t working, and they (all of us) are still doing it. Why?”

Well, as I’ve noticed it’s not working, my mind is working hard at problem-solving. I’m looking at where the glitches are, where possible solutions can be found, who the dilly-dally members are, and where the change needs to begin. After all, it’s a process to implement change, or at least to get really clear on where that change needs to start. And, when there are several people involved (such as in a family), communication is key.

These are my recommendations, if you are experiencing Groundhog Day:
1) Point out to those involved that the result you are getting is not what you want. (and clarify that it’s not what they want)
2) Start “watching” what’s not working from a place of curiosity. Don’t get upset and yell; simply “wonder” and be “curious” … “hmmm … what do we need to change?”
3) Get the other family members on the same page. Communication is essential.
4) Implement little changes here and there, to see how they impact the overall flow. Tweak as you go.
5) Keep backing up until you get to the place where the real trouble starts. (i.e. if you’re late for school, look at when everyone is getting up, what can be done at night to ease the morning, is everyone getting enough sleep, when are they going to bed, when is dinner, homework, when are sports ending, etc. etc.).
6) Talk about what you think needs to be changed. Ask for ideas. Look for ways to implement as a team.

There are several ways to approach it. I suggest curiosity and teamwork. Stress, yelling and control will backfire … usually in the teen years.

Hope this helps. Remember, your children are constantly growing and changing. That means every day can bring change. Grow with your children. It will be a much easier and more enjoyable journey. And everyone benefits.

(Traci Carman is a parenting coach, speaker and author. Sign up for her monthly newsletter at www.alovingway.com. A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes a Difference.)