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Apr 01
I don’t know about you, but I sometimes wonder how we manage to shift a wonderful free flowing summer schedule into the crash of August when we hit school along with soccer and the many other sports that come in the fall. And when you have more than one child doing sports, taxi service is in full swing!
Well, I guess we just do it. We adjust and move on. And isn’t that true in most things that we do in life. I think the most important piece, at least from my experience, is being in the moment. I notice that when I show up for soccer practice without thinking of all the many things I could be doing, I actually enjoy it. The most amazing thing is I can tell that my kids notice the difference. They love it when we care about what they are doing. They get to impress us!
Balance is another key to fitting everything in. When you begin to tap into your intuition, which we all have, you start to feel when your plate is full. You won’t say “yes” when your insides are screaming a definite “no.” (How many of us have done that a few times?) It’s okay to know when your plate is full and it’s okay to say so. That allows you the opportunity to do your best at everything you choose to take on. Otherwise, don’t we get overloaded, resentful, tired, and next year we choose not to volunteer or participate at all? Pacing ourselves and knowing when to say no are great skills to have. When we stop long enough to listen to our own inner wisdom, the process of going through life is really very natural and peaceful. We are guided.
And, what about asking for help? If you do take on a project or a committee or something that takes you a little over the top, it’s a great time to learn to delegate. If you are a team mom or dad, split up the tasks and ask for assistance. It’s wonderful when the entire team gets to contribute and no one feels overburdened.
Fitting it all in is possible. Just know what you want to fit in. Don’t forget to make room on your plate for debriefing with your kids after school, helping with homework, and those kinds of tasks. They do take up time and energy, and you want to be “present” for your kids during those blocks of time. Balance your kid time, volunteer time, spouse time, work time, and very important – your “me” time. Assess your priorities, plop those on your plate, and fit in what other activities you would choose and that feel good to you.
Something I’ve learned along the way ….. if you do what brings you joy as often as possible (in work and play), you are much better at what you do. Joy makes such a huge difference. So, create your life. Create what you want as you adjust to school and sports activities. Create your relationships by being present with friends, family and your kids. This is how you create wonderful memories and how you tap into your intuition and inner guidance ~ valuable parts of you that make your life!
Welcome to Fall!
Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com
Fitting It All In Neighbors Newspaper, September 2006 Family Forum Column
Apr 01
Well, I don’t know about you, but I have been thoroughly enjoying summer vacation. No early mornings. No rushing off to bed. No homework. No packing lunches. Talk about vacation! I just love the freedom!!
In the days when I was in school, we started back to school in September. It seems like it was mid-September. Then, it was early September. Then, I remember it changed and my oldest son starting going back in late August. Now, we are going back almost mid-August. Hmmm. I guess that means we better enjoy every single minute while we can!! 
Now that we’ve hit August, my oldest son is getting ready to start his senior year in high school, my youngest son is starting second grade, and my daughter (the baby) is starting kindergarten! Wow, how time flies!
Being the night owls that we are, the other night the kids and I walked out into the back yard (I won’t tell you how late it was!) and just marveled at the quiet of the world, the stars that we could see, and the bright full moon that lit everything up. It was so awesome to do that! Robert told me how much he loves being up late because of the quiet and the alone time. I must agree. We are definitely night owls. There are many morning birds in the world too. I just didn’t happen to give birth to any! (ha!)
As we head into school, fall and the changes of a new season, may we all take time to enjoy those last summer moments with our families, the longer days while we have them, smelling the fragrance of flowers and roses, and jumping in the pool “just one more time.”
I hope your summer vacation has been filled with many wonderful memories of friendship, love and “too much fun!”
Have a great August!!
Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com
Fun Lovin’ Summer! Neighbors Newspaper, August 2006 Family Forum Column
Apr 01
When I first moved to Temecula, I was a single parent and that seemed quite rare. Now that I have been here for over two years, I am noticing that there are quite a few families struggling with separation, divorce and co-parenting. Since co-parenting after divorce is something I have done for 15 years, I thought I would share some insights. For those families not dealing with divorce, these tips may help you support your children when they have to deal with other difficult events in their lives.
One of the main struggles in co-parenting is communication. We have to take a relationship that doesn’t seem to work and somehow raise children together within that framework. I can tell you it’s easier said than done, but not impossible.
I have learned that the absolute most important thing is that your children feel loved and that their feelings be acknowledged and valued. If both parents can do this, and also refrain from talking negatively about each other, it is so much easier on the kids. When going through a divorce, sometimes it is difficult to put everything aside and think about what does my child need right now and how can I give that to him/her. If you can do that, though, you will be so ahead of the game. Remember that children have no control over divorce. They need support, empathy, compassion, love, a listening ear, and a relationship with both parents.
One way to support your children is to simply spend some extra quality time with them. Even 10 quality minutes after school or before bed makes such a huge difference. If both parents can make some extra time when they have the children, that would be awesome. It might be a little challenging to come up with that extra time, since each parent is now doing the work of two. However, being creative is so worth it!
Another idea is to have them draw. It is amazing when they have a blank piece of paper and all the colors of the rainbow, what will show up in their drawings. They express what’s going on inside of them on the paper. When they are done, take an interest in what they drew. See if they want to tell you about their story, their picture, maybe the colors they chose. Listen. It all tells the story of what is going on inside of them. You just may get an opportunity to heal some hurts and deepen your bond! Best of all, you have just given your child a huge and powerful gift – love and acceptance!
Remember, when you think of the pain you are feeling, know that your children are experiencing that loss too. Be there for them. Love them. Communicate with them. This will make them feel loved and that everything will be okay.
If you would like additional information on this subject, please feel free to e-mail me at tracigaffney@alovingway.com.
Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com
Co-Parenting Neighbors Newspaper, July 2006 Family Forum Column
Apr 01
It’s time to celebrate our wonderful fathers! I thought it would be interesting to interview some children to find out what they say about dads. I interviewed a classroom of first graders and found out the following: their favorite activity to do with dad is “play.” According to these first graders, “play” shows up in many forms, such as playing games, riding motorcycles, coloring, baseball, fishing, hiking, golf, and football. It sounds like there are some very active dads out there! When asked what they love best about their dad, they commented that they love being loved by him, they love how funny he is, how much he helps them, takes them places, and spends time with them. This is quality stuff! When asked to finish the sentence, “My dad always …..”, their comments included “cares about me,” “helps me with my homework,” “gives me hugs,” “swims with me,” and “makes my lunch.” It was heartwarming to see not only how much time and attention dads get to spend with their kids, but also the impact that it has had on their children. It has not gone unnoticed! That’s what they love about dad, and that is what they will ultimately remember as they grow up.
Dads really are heroes. They protect us when we’re scared. They hug us when we cry. They keep us safe when we sleep at night. They make sure we have everything we need. And, they teach us the “tough” part of life, while still being able to snuggle, giggle, and love us “just because.” Dads are awesome!
It is so touching to see dads with their little ones, whether it’s playing ball, pushing them on the swing in the park, eating ice cream together, jogging with a jogger stroller, or holding their new baby in their arms. There is a tenderness that shines through when a man is with a child. And, when you find a man who is tender and loving and caring with your children, even when they are not his biological children, that is an awesome man and father too. (Thank you, Robin!) It’s the connection, the love, the giving, the protection, the sacrifice from deep within that constitutes being an awesome dad.
May all of you wonderful dads out there have the best Father’s Day. May you continue to touch the lives of your children with the love that they so deeply appreciate. Thank you for contributing your strength, your gentleness, your love, and your lessons to the lives of all of us.
Happy Father’s Day!
Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com
Happy Father’s Day Neighbors Newspaper, June 2006 Family Forum Column
Apr 01
There’s something special about moms. And, it’s not just having a mom that’s special; BEING a mom is something special too. We have that special ability to nurture, love, kiss the owies away, and somehow make everything ~ and I mean everything ~ better. I don’t know what the magic is, but it is pure magic. Actually, yes I do know what it is. It’s love. Mothers are love. Now, if you’re reading this and you do not have a mother who exhibits that kind of love (and, unfortunately, this does happen), I have come across some very good news! …… There are lots of wonderful, loving moms in this world!
Having just lost my mom, I felt like I lost the only person who could ever love me like only your mom can. What I found out was that those of my family and friends who are also moms, have been able to do a pretty fantastic job of loving, nurturing, and caring about each other through this loss. It’s like being held in the arms of your mother through the experience of being loved by other moms. Nothing can ever replace the love of our own mother, but this has truly been magical. And knowing that I, a mom, provide that same love to my family and to others …… well, it’s just the most wonderful gift to give.
I am a member of MOMS Club Temecula – Vineyards. I must publicly say to my fellow moms in that chapter, Thank you for all of your support and for all of your love. This group of women has taken me under their wing. They have even gifted me with a beautiful angel that sits in my back yard in memory of my mom. She has a flower that lights up at night, so I can always see her. How sweet is that! (Thank you, Debra P!) We moms support each other and our families with such unconditional love ~ it’s really a beautiful thing to be a part of. [If you are not involved in a MOMS Club and would like to be, please feel free to e-mail me and I would be happy to help put you in touch with the appropriate chapter for your area (tracigaffney@alovingway.com).]
So, for all of the moms that you know, all of the moms that love and support you, that nurture you in some way, that hug you or touch your arm, or simply listen while you cry, or even those moms that help you take care of your children in some way ….. they are an extension of the love of your own mother ~ whether she is still living or not. Love is the connection. Mothers are their own unique fold. It was in my mother’s nature to be generous, loving and caring. It is becoming my experience that that is a universal truth about “mothers.”
This month, I would like to say thank you to all of the moms in the world who touch the lives of their children, other people’s children, their husbands, their parents, grandkids, friends, and anyone else who needs a loving smile or hug. I honor you. I thank you for being a living and breathing continuation of my mom, and I thank you for everything that you do for everyone around you.
Happy Mothers Day!Traci Gaffney 800-647-1171 www.alovingway.com
It’s Magical Neighbors Newspaper, May 2006 Family Forum Column
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