A Great Parent is a Great Listener

By Traci L. Gaffney

When was the last time you sat down and listened 100% to your son or daughter? Did they tell you about everything under the sun? Did you wonder if the stories, ideas and details would ever end? I hope you have a smile on your face as you are reading this; I do. Those are some of the juiciest and most memorable moments you will have in your life.

Life is so busy these days. We hardly have time to look at our kids in the eyes when we talk about homework, eating, cleaning rooms, and the next athletic event. It's really sad. We hustle and bustle through our days and weeks. Before we know it, they will be grown and gone … and we will have missed the best part ~ listening to them.

Some of the absolute best memories I have had with my kids are the moments when I listen to them talk, as we rock in a rocking chair together, lay on the couch snuggled in a blanket, lay on the trampoline looking at the sky, or sit under a beautiful tree listening to the wind in the leaves. The most profound statements come from children.

Here are two really important reasons to listen to our children (and there are more):

1. They deserve our attention, our eyes, and our hearts. They deserve to be seen and understood for who they are; not who we think they are. Who can they share that part of themselves with, if not us? Kids play hide-n-seek all the time. They hide who they are, and hope we will explore and find them. They begin to forget who they are, if they are never found and given the opportunity to say, "Here I am." That is them being "seen."
2. How will they learn to be great listeners for others, and ultimately for their own children, if we do not model this for them? Think about how much we are constantly learning as adults about communication, listening, relationships, work, etc. Wouldn't it have been much easier if we had learned some of those basic skills as kids? Why not teach them now? It's not rocket science. It's kindness and presence. We've all heard the saying, "Monkey see, monkey do." What are our little "monkeys" (I mean that in love) doing? If they are not listening, it might not be their fault. Are they doing what they "see" us doing? It's really important that we get this.

If you can bundle up with your child in a chair, on the floor, in a bed or couch, or somewhere fun outside, do it. It starts with, "How are you doing today?" Or, "Isn't this great? I love being here with you right now." (What a gift for them to receive!) Ask general questions, and they will open up like you wouldn't believe. They need a place to express and a place to share their wisdom. Yes, I said wisdom. Children have so much wisdom; it is amazing. Allow them to teach you some of the basics of life … curiosity, wonderment, joy, gratitude, excitement … presence. Allowing them the opportunity to express who they are, allows them to remember these parts of themselves. Being a listener … well, that allows you to remember who YOU are! Your gift to them is also their gift to you.

Take the time to be with your children in a present and heartfelt way today. Be on the ground, if you can. Lay down and look at the stars, if you can. What does it feel like to be a child? What does it feel like to be heard, to be seen? It's wonderful!

"Success comes to those who listen."

You can be a good parent, or you can be a great parent … the choice is yours!

Enjoy your kids. They grow up faster than you can imagine.

Traci Gaffney is an expert on parenting and pregnancy, and focuses her practice on health and nutrition for families. Visit www.alovingway.com/cards.php to check out her "Who I Am" Energy Cards. To sign up for her free parenting newsletter, go to www.alovingway.com. You can contact Traci directly at tracigaffney@alovingway.com or 800-647-1171.