A Message for Dads

By Traci L. Gaffney

I would imagine that every father wants his daughter to marry a man who is going to take care of her, keep her safe, and treat her well. When girls begin to spread their wings and notice boys, begin dating, and get broken hearts, I can only imagine how that impacts dad. He can’t do anything to fix it, and wonders what to do about it, especially her heart and tears.

Well, dads, as a woman who is a daughter and a mother, and someone who has experienced a broken heart, and felt the loving care of a man, I would be honored to share some insights with you on this subject.

In this day and age, everyone is busy. Parents are working and caring for the house, kids, etc. Kids are in school, have homework, and usually have sports or other outside activities. In the midst of all of this, have you noticed that the days breeze by, soon to be weeks, months, and then years? Have you noticed that your daughter one day wakes up and is different? She is separating from you, finding her own sense of self and belonging, and exploring the world outside … including boys. Suddenly, your daughter has a broken heart.

I recently read that when a relationship ends, a woman’s heart has a void. That void is the hole that is left, where he touched her heart. It is the size of how deeply he touched it. If they had a deep connection, the hole will be larger than if they had a shallow connection. I am told this hole remains until it is filled by a connection with another man. What is interesting, is that a woman will not be satisfied by a man who fills only part of that hole. She will demand a man with depth, love and connection that fills that space in its entirety, and possibly even more. Anything less just won’t do.

So, it dawned on me that dads have a huge advantage here. If you capture your daughter’s heart and show her depth and connection, that creates a minimum standard. You have now created a space in her heart that can only be filled by a man that is at least as good as you. She will never accept less. You get to set the bar!

Now, on the other hand, if a dad does not imprint his daughter’s heart with love, connection and depth, her heart is open to any level of connection with a man. Do you see how vulnerable that leaves her, and why she relies on you to show her the way?

So, here are three things you can do to make a difference for your daughter:

1. Be the first man to capture her heart. Connect with her. Love her. Hold her in your lap. Laugh with her. Be her Hero.
2. Do not let go of that level of heart connection and depth until the day you give her hand in marriage.
3. Role model for your sons how to do this for their daughters.

We need to start raising our children with the end in mind, not just crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. We are their guardians, teachers, guides, and protectors. What you create with your children in this process will be immeasurable and will last for generations.

Have a safe and Happy Halloween!

Traci Gaffney is an expert on parenting and pregnancy. To sign up for her free parenting newsletter, go to www.alovingway.com. You can contact Traci directly at tracigaffney@alovingway.com or 800-647-1171.