Conscious Parenting ~ “Paying It Forward”

By Traci L. Carman

Parenting is an opportunity to teach another human being how to be true to who they are, live a life of purpose (no matter what age), and to make a difference in the world. When we, as parents, “pay it forward,” we are simply doing our best to raise children who understand these options, and strive to be everything they can be.

Every day, our children are making choices. How do we guide them, and yet, at the same time, allow them to choose and learn from their choices? The answer is … we start young, and we do it one day and one event at a time.

Let’s explore with one example. We send our children to school with lunch. At some point, they start sharing and trading food, and it is amazing what wrappers will come home in their lunchbox. Instead of being mad, or lecturing them, this is a great opportunity to educate your child and to create trust (communication without judgment creates trust).

This is how I recommend you relate to your child on the topic of sharing lunch (and you can use this process for any topic):

• When your children start sharing lunch, they will begin asking questions about the food you buy. They may comment that their friends are bringing “better” lunches. Share with them (out of love, not anger) why you make the lunch you make and why you don’t buy what another child might have. Educate them.
• When they continue to come home with wrappers you do not recognize (and they will, at times), comment on it by reiterating that they are making choices about their body every time they eat that particular food. Ask them what they want for their body. Have you explained how sugar, partially hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup affect their body? This is a gift.
• Be willing to find similar foods that are of a quality you trust, to start making their lunches more enjoyable. Work together to create a lunch that your child looks forward to and you feel great about them eating. These interactions create a bond.
• Then, let go. Realize you cannot control your children 100% of the time. Feel good that you are doing what you can by sending the food that is healthy (something you can control). You are also educating your child (another thing you can control). And, know that you are planting seeds.

• Lastly, give them a tangible experience to learn from. A great way to do this in relationship to food is the next time they ask you for something that is not optimum for their health (a candy, for example), invite them to join you for an experiment, as follows:

  • Before they eat the candy, ask them how their body feels right now. How does their tummy feel? How is their energy? Do they feel strong or weak? (This teaches them to feel and relate to their body.)
  • Then, let them eat the candy.
  • About 15-30 minutes later, finish the experiment. Ask them how their body feels now. Does it feel the same or different? Does it feel better? Worse? Have them describe what they are noticing.

  I remember doing this with one of my children years ago, and I was amazed at his clarity about how different his body felt after the candy. It gave him an “experience” of his body and how candy/sugar affected it. Now he correlates food to how he feels. A great awareness for his life.

Will our children always choose healthy? No. Neither do we. However, when we understand that we are making choices in everything we do, it empowers us to create the life that we want. Teaching this to our children, my friends, is one way we can “pay it forward.”

Traci Carman is a Parenting Coach, Speaker and Author. You can join her email list for 2011 Parenting Classes by emailing tracicarman@alovingway.com or calling 800-647-1171. Sign up for her free parenting newsletter at www.alovingway.com.